5 mistakes parents make with newborns and how to avoid them. Everyone loves to give advice (or is that, everyone loves to meddle?) and new parents can be quickly overwhelmed by an influx of well-meaning and often conflicting parenting advice. The most recent topic of CNN.com's regular feature Empowered Patient is a list of 5 "don'ts" for parents with a newborn baby. See if you agree and add your own meddling...er, advice.
We'll paraphrase the article. You can read it in its entirety here.
1. Letting a newborn sleep through the night. You may think you've scored big if your baby immediately sleeps through the night, but pediatricians are unanimous that newborns should be woken every four hours for feeding, at least for the first few weeks.
2. Not feeding on demand. Forget about strict adherence to a feeding schedule. "A baby is smarter than any grown-up...they know when they're hungry and they know when they're full."
3. Taking a newborn to crowded places. It's tempting to want to show off your baby to the worldd, but it's safer to minimize their exposure to germs by avoiding crowds for awhile.
4. Keeping a newborn cooped up at home. The flip-side of the coin. You don't have to go into full hibernation mode after a birth. Take your baby for walks around the neighborhood to save your own sanity if nothing else.
5. Not trusting your instincts You know more than you think. Block out the white noise - listen to your instinct and trust yourself.
Some good advice! Though I take the stuff about crowds with a grain of salt. Assuming the kid was born in a hospital and making trips to the pediatrician--both of them typically crowded and filthy--the grocery store feels like a pretty benign place to go. I was lucky to have a summer baby, so I didn't have to worry much about cold and flu season.
view lb's profile
Correction on no.1 -- newborns should not sleep through the night for at least TWO weeks -- it is okay after that, if their checkups show they are gaining the right amount of weight (phew! you got me worried -- our daughter slept through the night be 4 weeks).
I'd add watch out for heat/sun when you take them out, and don't overbundle them in their stroller/crib. I've seen newborns being pushed around in strollers by their parents, with no shade on them, their faces turning bright red in the sun and heat -- well on their way to heat stroke and/or dehydration. Also at outdoor events, even during summertime scorchers, babies are sometimes covered in layers and layers of blankets, with blankets draped over the stroller (to protect from the sun), with precious little air circulation and too much heat.
view mschatelaine's profile
don't use nail clippers to clip newborns nails. I know it sounds weird but its much easier to bite their nails. Every new mom/dad I know has cut there baby's skin while trying to use regular nail clippers...very stressful!!
view kellybeegee's profile
Wha?!?! Really? Why not just use a nail file?
view Monkeyme's profile
I found that a nail file didn't help that much because their nails are so soft and flexible. Really, just bite a little at one end and then peel the nail off. It's so easy. I tried using a clipper and pinched and cut my baby's skin. The skin peeled on his fingers for a week and he had terrible hang nails. Bitting, although it sounds strange, is much better.
I'd add to be prepared for the unexpected. Just when you get complacent, babies will do something utterly drastic. So many babies rollover for the first time right off of the changing table, or bed, or couch because parents don't think they're ready! Get ready for to be completely surprised by them every day.
view KellyD_MN's profile
monika, you are so right. i hate seeing babies who are over-bundled with all the blankets. yikes! our baby was born in july, and going out in a sling wearing a onesie was plenty to keep her warm.
view lb's profile
Well, now I am totally grossed out.
view Monkeyme's profile
Here's a big one:
Don't do anything that might be perceived as "stimulating" during night-time feedings, unless you actually enjoy waking up several times a night. Keep lights dim (if not off) and keep it B-O-R-I-N-G. No talking, no cooing, no eye-contact (babies' heart rates soar when they make eye contact), no singing, no extra snuggline, no diaper changes unless absolutely necessary. The more "just business" you keep the feedings, the sooner your baby will figure out that night-time is for sleeping. Keyword: boring.
view MamaChilanga's profile
Other good advice for parents-to-be:
Spend less time reading up on every pregnancy symptom, preparing a detailed birth plan and decorating the nursery, and more time practicing on a friend's newborn, reading up on how to establish healthy sleep habits, learning about breastfeeding, and organizing a support team for the first 2-3 months so get help with dinner, laundry, etc.
view MamaChilanga's profile
Just remember to have fun with your little one! I tend to get caught up in trying to do everything the right way (whatever that is at the moment!) that I forget to just enjoy.
view cc's profile
I'm a big advocate of on-demand feeding, but I wouldn't necessarily consider it a rule. Scheduled feeds kept me sane as a mother of newborn twins. I think there's room for some flexible scheduling coupled with a healthy dose of common sense. Also, I've taken my newborns out shopping at 1-2 weeks old and I've never had any problems. In their prams, they're usually not close enough to strangers to catch any diseases. And finally, I think that at a certain point, it's not unreasonable to have babies sleeping on their sides/stomachs. I wouldn't do it for a newborn, but one of my twins has been comfortable lying on her stomach since she was a few weeks old. Having said that, I only let her do this for daytime naps (whenI could monitor her) until she was able to support her head.
view Kat's profile
Hi~ a newborn doesn't need to be awake to eat, since the sucking reflex "works" even if they're sleeping, at least for the first two months of life. It is since possible to let a baby sleep through the night and still have him fed. I do that with my 5 month old. Just pick him up quietly and attach him to the breast. He will suck, eat and don't even bother waking up.
off topic:
A mistake I've seen often is newborns with onesies' sleeves that cover their hands. The sleeves must get to the wrists and no farther, otherwise they will be constantly stimulated to grasp (grasp reflex) and will have a hard time settling down.
view Sol's profile
Kat, if you are nursing, on-demand--before demand!--on CUE--feeding is essential for baby's health and mom's milk supply. It should be one of the few real rules. I'm not sure how it works with formula.
view lb's profile
bite the nails off...gross..we didn't do that, we didn't use those stupid "baby clippers" either, we used small cuticle scissors. Worked great and we still use them.
I disagree w/#3 I ready think that's just way too out there for me. But then again when my son was 10 wks old we took him to London and people thought we were nuts.
#5 Totally agree with! So many times I "did what the book said" and not what my head said. Next time I'll know better.
view jairip's profile
Drives me crazy that these "tips" contradict themselves...number 1 says "feed every 4 hours at night" then number 2 says "don't follow a feeding schedule" Am I the only one who finds those two contradictory?
Also about the whole "feed on demand" thing...with my first child, I thought every time she cried she was hungry. It made sense to me because she would always stop crying when I popped a boob in her mouth. That turned into me feeding her 20 times a day, sometimes for hours on end. I would try to take it out while she was sleeping, and she could cry. Needless to say, I was a mental and physical basket case. Finally we got her to accept a pacifier at 6 weeks. So for those with really "sucky" babies who would eat all day if they could, some sort of schedule is important so you don't spend all day feeding. My 2cents.
view NCB's profile
NCB- You're so right! Totally missed it the first time. Guess that's supposed to take us straight to Tip #5...
And I'm sorry but comments like lb's drive me crazy. Most comments here are "This worked for me" or "I agree with this," but I just tune out when someone comes on here and starts to lecture others.
view lou718's profile
With the feed every four hours at night thing: some newborns are very sleepy (esp if jaundiced) and need to be fed more often than they are cuing to be fed. I don't see anything contradictory about saying, "Feed on demand, but offer every few hours if you aren't getting any hunger cues."
It is totally normal for a newborn human to nurse extremely frequently and for hours at a time. It's how they grow, and how milk supply is established. It's not that convenient, but it's normal. If pacis work, great, but for babies to need to nurse uber-often is totally normal.
view lb's profile
Just remember...you know your child better than ANYONE, so trust your instinct. This was the best piece of advice I could have ever received. My 3rd son seemed to be constantly sleepy and a poor nurser. I had him in to the hospital daily for weight checks, because I just "felt" there was something wrong (I had successfully nursed 2 others.) The lactation consultants, doctors, nurses all kept telling me it was most likely my milk, and I should supplement. I continued to persist, and at 7 weeks it was finally discoverd that he had a very serious heart defect and needed emergency surgery. Thank goodness I trusted my own instinct - even though after awhile others made me start to doubt myself. I still repeat this bit of advice even now that my children are older and in school (9,7 and 3.)
view wister5's profile
A baby has the RIGHT to be sate. That as mothers should be our first rule.
My baby wasn't getting enough, and breastfeeding talibans were telling me to keep on going, 24 hour a day with baby latched on. I thought it was the best and did it for 2 months. Then a paediatrician with common sense told me to start supplementing. And baby started finally thriving.
view Sol's profile
lb--I breastfeed, and I still used a feeding schedule with the twins. As I said, it was flexible, and I think we managed to work out the demand (theirs) part without totally sacrificing the sleep (mine) part. I admit to giving formula comps, though (currently one bottle/child/day). But on the whole, I don't think it's affected my milk supply. If anything, it helps me get through the evening feeds which, if I stuck with the breast, would mean feeding for about three hours straight. My first child was fully breastfed on demand, and I have to say that I notice the difference.
All of which is to say that I don't think feeding on demand is an iron-clad rule, provided that feed scheduling is applied with some common sense.
view Kat's profile