apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

I sort of agree about not spending other people's money for them. I mean look, I might think it's great to donate to a local fire department but someone else might not, for about a million reasons. You're not giving them much of a choice, are you? I like the 'no gift' idea, but it should be just that - no gift - nada. And I only like it for really really little kids. A one year old doesn't know what's going on at his/her birthday party and probably gets enough gifts on a regular basis that he/she simply doesn't need more stuff. Of course you'll always get gifts from certain people (i.e. grandma/grandpa) but as a general rule, I would make a party for a one year old gift free.

It's right up there with trick-or-treating for UNICEF on the list of well-meaning activities that are tiring and, frankly, lame. Not every event in modern life needs to be an opportunity for forced charity.

Oh. Dear. But what if I like the parents, yet we disagree on issues sufficiently that their choice of charity offends my principles?

Since people don't consistently obey "no gifts" requests, how about asking each person to come up with a card that they believe will remind Baby of something important about that first year? Miss Manners would still object to directing people's generous impulses, but at least the direction would be non-burdensome (cards are cheap, and they're easy to store) and flexible for the giver's tastes.

Little Gavin isn't looking too happy in that photo, neither are a few of his little buddies.

I think it is important to show your children charity as part of your daily life, not just on special days. Also, I think at a young age it is very hard for kids to buy a toy and then GIVE IT AWAY. It's a good thing to learn the joy of giving to others.

I am in favor of de-materializing kids birthdays. What I did for my kids (ages 3 and 5 now) is let them have a small birthday party. Our house. A pinata. They get presents from their friends -- thats one of the fun things about birthday parties! But in an effort to have them prioritize they get to ask for three things for their birthday, (same for Christmas) and I have a list going at all times. So if they want something I put it on the list and if there are more than three things on the list we have to re do it and omit something else. Usually they just want to write down the request more than they want the toy, and then the go back and play with the blocks or legos that they already have. I also like having them experience giving to somebody else on their birthday.

Wow, that's a pretty obnoxious party the NYT wrote about! It's pretty bad to expect people to bring presents to anything in the first place (you're inviting them for their company, not their wallet - otherwise, it's called a fundraiser), but to dictate what other people buy? This is the natural offshoot of the people who enclosed detailed registry information in their wedding invitations - now they are doing the same thing for their children's events. Sheesh.

Asking for charitable donations is no better than demanding a specific gift for oneself. I understand why the parents might not want gifts but charity is a private act, lasts all year, and begins at home. Teaching a child to demand a specific gift and/or fleece their guests is no lesson in manners.

Surely when its your birthday you are allowed to expect to be treated as special. Especially if you are only 4 or 5 years old. Getting rid of the expensive take home packs and giving that money to charity would be better ... if you must.

You know, I find it hard to criticise something that gives to charity (even if it's "forced"). So I guess maybe a good compromise would be to ask your child which of her current toys she's outgrown and would like to give away to other kids so she can have room for her new birthday gifts. This also addresses the clutter problem.

It does not need to be rude if things are phrased correctly. Firstly, on the invite you simply say no gifts, but as my parents did at their second wedding, some people simply do not adhere to the 'no gifts' rule. So you offer an option for those folks, they said something to their friends like, if you want to give something here are a few charities we suggest.

When I worked at a food bank there was a young boy whose idea it was to give his birthday presents to charity. He was SO proud of himself it made the whole office tear up. That little guy will remember that birthday for life and how it felt to be selfless and give to other children.

Rather than forcing the issue I plan to give my children a gift for charity each birthday along with their own treats, they choose where the money goes so that they can understand the meaning of charity.