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While I agree in theory with many of the things Wright says, and I applaud him for recognizing -- more than a decade ago -- patriarchal tendencies with regard to how the medical community treats mothers, there's still a certain tone to how he describes his experience with co-sleeping that rubs me the wrong way. He claims to be open-minded, but it's pretty clear that he thinks getting kids accustomed to sleeping more independently is, in his own words, unnatural.

I applaud and envy anyone who's had a successful co-sleeping experience with their child. I tried so hard to have one, too, and I'm still sad that I wasn't able to beyond the first four months.

Wright says:

"Mothers nurse their children to sleep and then nurse on demand through the night. Sounds taxing, but it's not. When the baby cries, the mother starts nursing reflexively, often without really waking up. If she does reach consciousness, she soon fades back to sleep with the child. And the father, as I can personally attest, never leaves Z-town."

He's patently describing his own experience, while making it sound universal, and this I resent. What Wright describes was true for us until my child was four months old. Suddenly Sam was awake throughout the night, trying to nurse constantly, refusing to unlatch, but too full to actually keep much of my milk down. He'd gorge himself, then throw up. He was restless and fretful all night long. Thanks to my misguided belief that co-sleeping HAS to work for EVERYONE, because it's so NATURAL, I allowed this situation to continue for six more months. My husband had to start sleeping on the couch so that he could continue to function at work. Sam and I were both utterly exhausted ALL THE TIME. We suffered from cold after cold because our immune systems were shot from being so tired. In short, we were all extremely unhappy. As parents, my husband and I felt completely demoralized.

When Sam was ten months old, we finally "caved" and introduced him to his crib. My husband stayed in the room with him until he fell asleep. There was crying, yes, but Sam knew he wasn't abandoned. He got used to sleeping on his own within a couple of nights, and immediately started sleeping longer and better. He'd still wake up once or twice to nurse, and I'd go in to him, nurse him, and put him back in his bed. (He continued to be a nighttime nurser, and I was happy to continue, until he weaned himself when he was almost two.)

The improvement in the quality of my family's life was radical. Within a few days we were all much more rested. We were happier and healthier.

Again, I think it's great that Wright is pro-cosleeping. In theory, so am I. But I feel like there's so much black-and-white opinion out there -- either you're for the family bad or staunchly against it -- that there's little wiggle room for families like mine, who need to be able to recognize and accept when co-sleeping isn't working for them any more. As parents, we already beat ourselves up enough.

Wow- do I have a lot to learn. This seems to be a topic that many feel passionate about. I got 7 months to catch up and decide how I feel about this I suppose. Looks like I need to start reading ... A LOT!

Doppelganger - thank you for the well written account of your experience with co-sleeping. As a new mother of a 2-month old with plenty of stress over whether I'm doing things the"right" way, your post makes me feel better about my current experiment with co-sleeping as well as a whole host of other parenting decisions.

Most importantly, do not over read. Pick a few books, gleam from them what works for you family, and disregard the rest. Just because someone writes a book doesn't necessarily make them an expert.
Being a parent is patently about following your instincts. You should never let one book become your parenting philosophy.

Jennyology - I hear you, I'm a new mom with a 2 month old as well and have been feeling guilt about our co-sleeping which we have been doing in order for us to actually get some sleep, as the little guy has been rejecting his crib for the past two weeks or so.

and Angus - you are right, my husband has been getting more and more frustrated with all the books we have (mostly given to us by well-meaning friends) because I started to over read and was driving myself crazy depending on who I read each day. I had to remember that these people are trying to sell books and don't know everything and don't live with my family and know my baby!

I was feeling guilt of co-sleeping with my daughter at first because my mom and dad told me it was bad.

And then I took some post-natal and massage class with my daugther and I learn that 2/3 of the planet where sleeping with their baby. I never thought it was a bad thing and always though it would make your family closer.

I think it's a personnal choice and no-body should be judging wether or not you're doing it. Now I do whatever I think is right for my daugther and I listen to my inner voice.

Great comments, all. Every set of parents is different and every child is different. Our second is a very different sleeper than our first. Our first starting sleeping through the night, in his crib, at 7 weeks and never looked back (he's 3 years old). Our second is 6 mo. old and she is only sleeping through the night about half the time.

I'm the mother (wow, that still feels weird to say) of a 14 week old baby. friends introduced us to the concept of co-sleeping months before ceridwen was born. at first we disliked the concept because of preconceived notions and comments from family members. then i started doing the research. we decided we would try it and see how she would respond because we knew that ultimately it was her decision. while we were still in the hospital we discovered that she loved cosleeping...i pulled her out of her bassinet and we cuddled on my hospital bed together...i was so scared that the nurse was going to yell at me and try and take her away, instead the nurse saw and made my bed more comfortable for us. at home we had a co-sleeping pillow to put between us (which she has since grown too big for) because my husband and i were so nervous about sleeping with a baby. so far co-sleeping is still working out well for all of us. we are one of the first of our friends to have a baby and it's an interesting process to explain to your friends and family why there isn't a crib anywhere in our apt. i think the most important thing with choosing to co-sleep or not co-sleep is the process of educating yourself and making an informed decision.

Doppelganger - i applaud your trying to do what you thought was best for your son only to discover that he disagreed.

I'm so glad my (er, rather heatedly written) post was taken in the vein it was intended. I loved co-sleeping, and it makes me happy to hear that other people are loving it, too. I know several families who co-slept until their kids decided they wanted their own beds, which is so awesome. And I know some other families who had experiences similar to mine. You can't predict how things are going to go for you, and I think, at the end of the day, flexibility is the key... as it is in pretty much every aspect of parenting.

Baby #2 is on the way (next month -- eep!), and we're going to co-sleep again, if he seems to like it. It was so great for us while it worked with our first, and this time around I'm expecting -- or hoping, anyway -- that I'll be much more relaxed about it, and better attuned to realizing if and when we need to adapt our sleeping arrangements.

I'm so happy that we have such a great dialogue going. Yay!

Is no one else really going to ask?
I am new here, but ceridwen, bbt?
What origin does that name come from?
Is it a combination of ancient names - I have never heard of it before...

I wanted to co-sleep, but I kept having nighmares - waking up with my pillow cradled in my arms thinking I'M SLEEPING ON THE BABY!!!, so we used the co-sleeper. Later, we sidecared the Gulliver, and now we bedshare. The lesson for me in all of this has been to be flexible and to re-evaluate if one or all of us get too little sleep. At first, the co-sleeper was the perfect solution for all of us. Now, baby (toddler? He just turned 1) goes to sleep in his crib, then sleeps the rest of the night in bed with us, nursing on and off.
Most people don't believe this, but with the little one in bed with us, we ALL sleep better.