apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

We are dealing with this now. We haven't even moved into our new, larger apartment in Queens and we've already been warned of a neighbor who is not fond of kid pitter patter. I have a mellow 2 year old but still he occasionally pulls down a firetruck from a shelf at 6 a.m., and we are already being bombarded with notices of how 80% of all our gorgeous hardwood floors must be covered or we will be fined by the co-op. We now realize the appeal to fleeing the city and buying our own home with less need for stringent rules. I always thought NYC would be a great place to raise kids... Even before I had a baby I never even thought of complaining about non-party/late night noise because; let's face it - IT'S A CITY and noise comes with the territory!

I understand both sides. Although, I honestly have had more trouble with pet noise in all my years of apartment living than I have ever had with kid noise. My last neighbors had a tiny baby and I never really minded hearing crying noises--babies cry, what can you do? They also had two medium dogs who sounded like clydesdales when they ran across the wood floors. I think there are things that you can try to do to limit noise issues--train dogs not to bark, put down area rugs, don't wear shoes indoors, warn neighbors if you're entertaining, etc.

But generally like pdesign says, noise comes with living in a city. When people live on top of each other there's only so much you can do to limit the noises.

Man, oh man was I on the wrong level at my last apartment. I lived underneath a family of four in what could at best be described as a 1.5 bedroom apartment with very very little insulation. The newborn I had no problem with it was the toddler that gave me nightmares. She would constantly stomp from the breakfast nook, to the kitchen, to the dinning room, bank a left into and out of the bedroom, jump into the living room, and finally hop down their stairs, and then follow all this up with a nice tricycle ride back through the rooms. That mixed with her new found love of slamming the bedroom doors repeatedly for 15-20 minutes at 5 in the morning while her dad would get ready for work made this absolutely gorgeous SF apartment a terror.

The only solstice came in the summer, when they would go to Cape Cod for a month and a half in July. How I loved that time of the year.

My favorite factoid came when they finally moved out and their was an open house going on up stairs. At one point their were at least 10 people up stairs all walking around, and it was magnitudes quieter than that little stomper!

I am so thankful we bought a condo that was built as a condo building, not apartments...we have 12 inches of concrete between units, above, below, and right/left. A lot of the condo conversions and apartment buildings around here are pretty loud. The woman upstairs with a new baby once apologized to me for all of the weeks of crying, and I honestly hadn't heard any of it. Which is reassuring now that we're expecting our first child. What I do hear is loud music or anything causing lots of vibration. My biggest problem is cigarette smoke from downstairs that somehow gets in, along with all of the food smells. (Don't get me started on that topic!!)

Gosh my kids would wreak terror in an apartment...we'd probably get kicked out. Malachi's screams alone would give people heart attacks! Then them racing back and forth with cars & singing....making sound effects....etc. I get nervous when it's quiet, LOL.

Thankfully we were never the subjects of a noise complaint at our apartment, despite our colicky baby. We did get someone banging on the wall once at our hotel room when he was crying. It was mid-day so I wasn't all that sympathetic. Besides, if I could have made him stop crying, I would have.

We do know people whose downstairs neighbour made their life a living hell and was constantly complaining about every noise their child made, and demanding they only play "quiet games" before 10 a.m. She was president of the condo association too so she was always sending letters on official-looking paper, even though the rest of the condo association hadn't signed off. Personally, I think those kinds of people should consider country-living if they want peace and quiet.

Well, we moved out of a third floor apt. (not NYC, Nashville) when our oldest was just one since we could see how things were going to go. I think to me it was more the perception of bothering people than actually bothering them. We lived next door to a single man with a greyhound who was a professor. He was very soft spoken and quiet. We never heard him, but always worried about our daughter's crying waking him. Of course, we had the option to move to a house because of the city we live in. I like a well behaved child, but at the same time, I want my kids to have some freedom in their own home. They can't sit quietly with their hands in their lap all the time.

I lived on the second floor beneath a two year old child. I had lived in the apartment for five years and had never heard anyone before. The 2 year old would get up every day at 6 am and run around for about 15 minutes. He would run throughout the day but it was the 6 am wake up run that pushed me. On Sunday afternoons he would play a game where he would repeatedly drop an object over and over and over again. I love children and I wanted to kick this child when I passed him in the hallway. I was completely insane. The parent's solution was to put socks on him. I kept begging management to let them move the open first floor apartment- I figured that was the best solution for everyone.

Normal child noise doesn't bother me. I'm actually quite happy to hear the sound of kids exploring their world and being happy and healthy. When I hear kids crying, I tend to feel empathy for everyone involved (provided there's some sort of parental response happening).

People who aren't setting any limits or providing any sort of engagement for their children do bother me immensely, whether it's downstairs from me, outside on the street, in a restaurant, whathaveyou. That's not the kids though; it's the parents.

Yesterday I heard this awful high-pitched squealing outside (while in my back bedroom with my radio and a bigass fan going). I went to the front of the house, and there's some people chatting outside a car, presumably finishing up visiting someone down the street. There's a child about 8 or 9, with a cheap plastic elementary school recorder, blowing as hard as he can into it so that the tone cracks. I see him run back and forth, chasing another child, with this recorder in his mouth, blowing these squeals. Every five minutes or so, the person I presume is his parent looks away from her conversation, says "stop!" and then turns back to the conversation without following through on her request in any sort of way. Kid is completely aware that she's not going to do anything more than yell "stop" a few times, so he keeps squawking. Oh, then he starts playing a nice melody at a normal volume for about 30 seconds. Parent doesn't reinforce this behavior whatsoever. Kid goes back to running around with a hard plastic object in his mouth just inches from his throat, squawking so the whole street can hear, parent continues to not care. Aarrrgggh!

I am a professional female in my late 30s living with my boyfriend in a one-bedroom apartment that I bought about three years ago. For the first year or so, I never heard a peep from upstairs. Then the neighbors toddler started "walking" and the quality of my life has been significantly diminished ever since. I tried leaving a polite note under my neighbors' door and once went up there to tried to talk to them. I found them very arrogant - she told me that she had lived in her apartment for six years and never had any problems (her kid is about two) and she didn't want to spend money on floor coverings as they might move one day! I complained to the coop board and asked that the 80% floor coverage rule be enforced. I was told that as I was not in compliance with the rule myself, I would have to comply with the rule also. I'm on the first floor and noone lives underneath me, but fine, as ludicrous as it was I spent a significant amount to get floor coverings so that I could get some relief. As far as I can tell my upstairs neighbors have not done anything to abate the noise. The kid runs back and forth for hours all evening and sometimes until past ten. I hear balls bouncing and wheels rolling on the floor. All I want to do when I come home from work is relax and watch a little tv but I have to deal with pounding over my head and my ceiling shaking. I put up with a lot of noise from my next door neighbor that doesn't bother me as much because it's just acoustic, but when noise is accompanied by reverberations and you feel it in your body, it is of an altogether different quality.

I appreciate it that it's difficult to control children, but the bottom line for me is that my quality of life is being diminished without compensation and I don't derive any value from my neighbor's children. I don't buy it when someone says that once you have children you become more sensitive and understanding as if parents are inherently better people. I suspect the main difference is that parents are not in a position to complain because they're imposing similar costs on their neighbors. Unfortunately, there is no way to express these sentiments without sounding like a bad person, but this is how I honestly feel. My neighbors' children should be their problem and not mine and it is their lifestyle that is encroaching on mine not the reverse.

Then the neighbors toddler started "walking" and the quality of my life has been significantly diminished

How dare he! "Walking"? My God!

there is no way to express these sentiments without sounding like a bad person

Hmmm... I wonder why.

As a matter of fact, keeping kids safe, healthy, happy, fed, learning, rested, etc. is enough to drive almost anyone crazy. If you think they should add "silent" to the list so that you can relax in front of the tube, you might want to rethink it a bit.

It is impossible to keep a kid that age quiet without being abusive. You're asking parents to abuse their children so that you can relax in front of the TV. You might not know it, but you're part of a community. Raising healthy children benefits us all. They are doing their part. It sounds like you're the one who's being a bad neighbor.

@somedude: sl556's comment is articulate, well-argued and exhibits patience and thoughtfulness. Your rebuttal comes off as arrogant, condescending and rude. Rhetorically speaking, who exactly is the bad neighbor?