It may seem so easy to give your child a reward if he behaves at school, throws out the trash or sets the table, but according to renowned pediatrician Dr. T. Berry Brazelton this is definitely not the way to go.
The Wondertime Web site asks Dr. Brazelton about rewards as motivators of which he had to say, "Offering rewards doesn't give children enough credit for wanting to do good things for their own reasons."
He continues, "They want to be helpful. They want to be like other people and fit in. The second you make it about getting that reward, you've taken away the opportunity for them to own it, for it to be their decision."
We should encourage child to be nice or do a good job for the sake of being nice and taking pride in their work -- and not for the reward they would begin expect. Makes sense to us!
What do you think? Should rewards ever be used as motivators?
Related links:
• 5 Mistakes Parents Make with Newborns
• Rebel Toddlers
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I read this article a while back and it confirmed what I had personally experienced as a kid. For example, my parents didn't believe in rewards, whereas my cousins' parents did. Consequently, when my grandmother needed help around the house (sweeping the porch, raking leaves, etc.) my cousins always demanded $10 or so for the effort. I did it free of charge. At one point, I remember being a little jealous that my cousins got cash for the chores, but by the time I was about 10 years old, I had learned that a smile, a hug and genuine "thank you" from my grandmother was reward enough. To this day I still enjoy helping out elderly neighbors and my parents. I know a lot of people who have the attitude "sure I'll help, but what will you give me for it..." and I think that giving kids artificial rewards like money or candy helps to engender this negative attitude.
view waterreflecting's profile
Read Alfie Kohn - "Punished by Rewards" and "Unconditional Parenting"
I agree wholeheartedly with the philosophy but am stumped more often than not about how to put it into practice.
view mjoe's profile
Exactly... I'm all for it, but I am not sure how to put it into place effectively, either.
And once you offer rewards - can you ever go back??
view Kaz's profile
I agree 100% with the article. Giving rewards to children for something that they need to learn just bcs it's the right thing, doesn't make sense. I agree with the first entry completely as I had a similar experience. What rewards create also is that the child will create a bond with you that is built on rewards. My grandmother created that with her daughters - she kept them close thru things - they became materialistic b****s and when my grandmother was suffering with alzheimers they would not even visit her, while my dad and mom became her nurses (my dad was the youngest and was NOT treated like the girls - don't ask me why - culturally men had to take care of the parents) So think of the day when you will not have the opportunity to reward your child, aside from the point that it makes them devoid of the experience of having their own ideas.
view Anusha73's profile
Alfie Kohn is great! In the same vein, Naomi Aldort's book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves has a lot of practical examples and is very thought-provoking, too. I think it gave me a better idea of how to actually respond to difficult situations.
view lb's profile