"Living with a child between 1 and 3 years old is an exhilarating experience....Toddlers have the gift of living in the moment and finding wonder in the ordinary. They share those gifts by helping the adults they love to reconnect with the simple pleasures of life. But toddlers have dark moments too" and so begins the first chapter of The Emotional Life of the Toddler.
Hmmm...sounds a bit heavy, but is it? Welcome to the first week of the Ohdeedoh Book Club! Let's share what we thought about the first chapters -- and if you'd like to join us but haven't read the book yet, no worries. We'll be reading two chapters a week and discuss them every Monday so there's still time to jump right in.
In chapter 1, Lieberman tells us the intention of her book is to try to explain why what we see as illogical behavior coming from our toddler is completely logical to them. Whether they are crying because they are hungry only to then refuse any food or wanting you near them only to run away, Lieberman states that this behavior makes perfect sense to our children. Really?
She then goes on to state that this time in your child's life is important because they try to make sense of their simultaneous desire to become independent and their need for your love and protection.
Chapter 2 begins a series of vignettes, which run through the entire book, that Lieberman dissects and explains the "whys" behind them. The vignettes show snippets of various toddlers' lives and circumstances some of us have already experienced with our children.
In this chapter, she also writes of the toddler's need for perfection, how parents serve as a secure base in their world and developmental stages occurring during toddlerhood. *whew*
Well, what do you make of the first two chapters?
I'm enjoying the book so far (am I the only one enjoying it??). I've read a little bit more ahead; the tone of the author was a little off-putting at first, but I really started to like it more in the second chapter. I personally think the vignettes are hilarious.
And I have very much tried to think a little bit more when my 13-month-old starts getting angry when he doesn't get his way. It must seem very illogical to him that he can play with the plastic up but not mom's plastic cup with liquid in it. I am surprised that he is already so vehement and throws mini-tantrums already! When he's upset, he does what I call the "full collapse" -- first throws his head back with a pained expression, followed by going completely limp and collapsing to the floor. He doesn't scream, but lets us know that he's upset. Do other parents find this to be the case in kids this young??? I totally thought I wouldn't be using any tips from this book for at the earliest 6 months from now!
view JeanieFR's profile
I'm not that impressed with this book at all (I know I'm jumping a bit ahead, apologies!). I give the author some credit for stating that this is all based on attachment theory/attachment parenting, but a lot of what she writes about toddlers in "Who is the toddler?" doesn't strike me [mom of a toddler] as so earth-shattering. "Secure base" and leaving the mothership [my phrase] seems like a lot of metaphor for something so obvious. They wander and explore but not too far.
I think she hit the nail on the head with how toddlers are trying to live a duality: exploration/attachment, both of which create this paradox ying-yang of toddlerhood.
But that has been stated in many other books.
To the poster above, tantrums start in the second year of life, so yeah, any time after the first birthday is ripe. If you're looking for tips, though, there are better practical books out there than this one.
view stickyricemama's profile
I felt the first chapter was so dry, I really had to push myself to get through it. The second chapter did start moving things along. I hope the rest of it continues on the same track.
view Alex's profile