Welcome to the another week of the Ohdeedoh Book Club as move onward and tackle chapters 5 and 6 of the book The Emotional Life of the Toddler.
Last week, chapter 4 touched on the different toddler temperaments that Lieberman claims children have: easy, slow to warm up, difficult and active.
Chapter 5 is dedicated to the exploration of the active toddler while chapter 6 is reserved for the slow to warm (a.k.a. shy) toddler.
Fiercely independent, active toddlers are whirling dervishes of movement fascinated by the far off object, the way things move and yet, at the same time they feel the need for their secure base (i.e., their parents) in order to go off to explore their new world. Lieberman states that this period of "unbridled motor exploration" begins to slow down by the age of 30 months. The end of chapter 5 gives parents suggestions on how to deal with friction between parent and child due to this high level of energy.
At the other end of the spectrum is the shy toddler. "Children slow to warm up have three major temperamental traits: they are inordinately shy with strangers, cautious towards novel objects and timid in unfamiliar surroundings." The shy toddler stays closer to their parents and usually grow to be shy children and later, shy adults. For parents of shy toddlers, Lieberman also gives tips on how to introduce new things and situations gradually to them in a non-stressful manner.
We were particularly interested in reading these two chapters as our son is an active toddler, while we were shy toddlers who did indeed grow up to be a somewhat shy adult. Are any of your children either active toddlers or slow to warm toddlers? Did you find any of Lieberman's suggestions on how to deal with these personalities, helpful?
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These sections of the book are interesting to me, and I definitely have to agree with the author that "parents may recognize familiar aspects of their child in both chapters". I'm assuming the authors would agree that children may not fit directly into a category; I'm having a hard time fitting my 14-month-old into one! So far he really seems to be a perfect cross between a slow-to-warm toddler and an active one (um, with a little bit of difficult thrown in). I find that he is an active toddler that also really wants his mom or dad to be near him whatever he is doing. So it is difficult for me to take the advice that "active children probably need their autonomy...Less active children may feel supported by the parent's help." Jack wants to run around and explore like a maniac, but he really wants me by his side, it seems.
Do other parents find it hard to categorize their children in these groupings, or are these categories generally spot on?
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I think it's sometimes a disservice to label our kids, but for what it's worth, my toddler is a very active dude compared to others I've observed at playgrounds and classes. So I guess these categories are generally all right. I don't take them that seriously.
And temperaments change as their development progresses. My toddler started walking very quickly/running around 14 months and would bolt then run far from me. I was really surprised. At 21 months, he still bolts but seems more cautious, and he is definitely more reluctant to start new classes (he's slow to warm up).
Anyway, I enjoyed reading the stories of the different tots in these chapters and about the conflicts in child behavior versus parenting style. A lot of our impulses are motivated by some really weird preconceptions, and it's good to sit back and analyze what we're doing before we squash something in the child's spirit.
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