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I find this whole concept insulting. If you have the money to pay consultants for their personal picks for baby shower gifts than you should not have one. I thought that the whole purpose of a baby shower was to alleviate the initial costs of having a baby.

i suppose there are people who will pay for this. just like there are people who pay those services to load their own cds onto their ipods for them.

but you know, you can spend your money any way you want to.

i don't think we spent anywhere near $500 on the actual baby gear.

karey, really? there are people who offer the service of downloading CDs onto your ipod? that's crazy! wow! i had no idea. who would pay for that?

Oh, you want my opinion on the best baby stuff? That will be $2.50 a minute. I can't believe I've been giving it away for free.

Gotta love hollywood. Only in LA-LA land!

...I actually found it 'fun' to shop and decide all of that for my baby!
I guess I could see if you were working full time and had some money to throw away-

I'd consider this a valuable service, depending on how knowledgable the providers actually are. When I was pregnant with my firstborn, I worked 50 hours a week right up until three days before he was born. as a research junkie, in an ideal world I would have loved to have had more time to research a multitude of topics to feel more prepared.

As it was, armed only with Baby Bargains, a scarily overwhelming (and frequently contradictory) amount of internet information, and a tiny amount of free time, we muddled through somehow, but I would have at least considered hiring someone to act as a one-stop consultant, again, if they were knowledgable in some key areas.

For example, we really wanted to use cloth diapers. Well, those of you who've used them know EXACTLY how much information is out there (answer: A LOT). We went with a diaper service that was less than helpful at giving us support, and after about a gazillion blowouts we ended up dropping the service and switching to disposable six months later, because we didn't have the time and energy to research alternative options. Of course, I've since learned a lot from friends who are extremely knowledgeable on the subject, but man, it sure would have been handy to know all this then.

Similar deal with breastfeeding. I knew NOTHING about nursing, other than being reassured by acquaintances that it's "natural." It's natural, but that doesn't mean it's easy. If you live thousands of miles away from all your extended family and if you have no friends with children, it's amazing how easy it is NOT to know about simple things like Lansinoh ointment and nursing pads and cabbage leaves. As it was, I practically ground my teeth to the nub toughing out those early weeks of breastfeeding. Again, this is where a knowledgable all-in-one product consultant could have been helpful. (For the record, I know about lactation consultants and all that, but what's wrong with having one person help you with a bunch of things, rather than farm everything out to a gazillion people?)

I think it's easy to forget those early days before we had kids and how terrifying the entire proposition was. I remember going to one of those baby gear warehouses with my husband, shopping list in hand, thinking we were ready to take care of business, then seeing the massive production selection and almost bursting into tears. And I know I'm not the only woman to feel this way. Five hundred bucks? That's chump change when it comes to (relative) peace of mind.

Just buy the Baby Bargains book. It saved us money by telling us what to splurge on and what to skip altogether. It also has reviews on specific brands based on interviews with thousands of parents (not just the opinions of a couple of La-La land Moms)...

This is going to sound grouchy and judgemental, I'm sorry. I'm normally a very positive person..... but....

If you need to pay someone to plan for your baby, maybe it's not the best time in your life to have kids. What are you going to do when the baby is HERE? Believe me, the research and decisions, etc are only JUST BEGINNING! It's not like, "Whew! We got the perfect bouncy seat, so we're all set for parenting!" Choosing a crib, etc is only PRACTICE for all that's ahead of you. You can't hire someone to breastfeed for you, to wean your child, to change diapers, to choose a preschool, to choose a grade school, to have "the talk" with them, and so on.. At least, not net! I probably just gave someone an idea for a new business!

Let's take some ownership of our roles as parents.

In response to Doppelganger, I agree... it would be very overwhealming to dive into parenthood with out a support system... BUT it just doesn't seem natural to hire someone to help you. What do you do when your "contract" is up?

What a new mom needs is FRIENDS! I was blessed to have a neighbor that invited me to a weekly playgroup at her friend's house. I also attend a bi-monthly group at my church for moms. Without these ladies, I don't know how I would have survived. In fact, they offer so much more than my family does. I love my mom, but she is of a different generation! It's different from a group of gals who are in the trenches with me. And... money can't buy that.

If anyone happens to live in/near Columbus, OH, let me know and I'll hook you up!

Look, baby rearing is a blood sport here in LA.

It's all about the gear.

Driving a Bugaboo, "oh that so last year. I've got an Orbit, they're so unique looking."
Did you spring for the high end Britax carseat? "Oh we bought a European carseat. They're so much safer."
Using a backpack for a diaper bag? "We bought a Fleurville, they're just so cute!"
Oh and please don't forget to guy only organic food, clothes and bath products.

Yeah I can see how a busy mom/dad would have trouble keeping up with the trends here.

The gear you buy for your kids is a reflection of who you are much like the kind of car you drive and your zip code.

Ya gotta love LA

J

Whoa - I find this concept extremely disturbing on multiple levels.

First of all - as someone already said, if you don't have time to do a bit of research on what products to get, maybe now isn't the right time to have a baby! How are you going to find time for the diaper changes, the feedings, the cuddles, the night time wakings, the sheer timesuck that is parenthood?

Second, this is just another example of placing way too much importance on the right "gear." So much marketing plays on new parents anxiety that if they don't have the latest and greatest thing, that they won't be good parents. There's really very little that a baby needs, and what you choose to get will be very personal. The person best-suited to figuring that out is YOU and your baby who will have her own personality and preferences, even at just a few weeks. So much of the "must-have" gear we got has gathered dust, and we found our own things that worked better for our baby.

Third, if someone needs to pay $500 to get their registry assessed or put together, they probably don't need a registry in the first place.

okay, shopping for this baby is the one thing i do not need help with.

Hey, hey, hey... I hope I'm just reading too much into people's comments, but it sounds like some of you might be implying that, just because someone like me is super busy in the time leading up to having a baby, that they -- meaning I -- shouldn't have had kids. Like I said, I sure hope I'm misinterpreting this, because that kind of judgment is way out of line.

Not that I should need to defend myself, but I worked my ass off leading up to my delivery so that I could enjoy my full year of maternity leave. (I live in Canada.) And I had no plan to return to work full-time when my mat leave was up, so don't worry -- I haven't put my kid on the back burner. He's the centre of my entire life, as he deserves to be.

My original comment was just to make the apparently crazy statement that I could see how this kind of service could be reasonable for *some* parents in *some* circumstances. And the reason I wanted to say it is because, frankly, I'm finding it tiresome hearing so many people's knee-jerk judgments of other people's parenting decisions -- judgments that are usually largely based on personal bias and without any understanding of the other parents' context for making their decision. Sure, maybe it's not a choice *you* might make, but other people aren't you. We're all so quick to want to assume the worst: that other people must be shallow, vain, acquisitive, lazy and/or just plain stupid. Why is that?

Man. Sorry to get so preachy, but like I said, this parental judgmentalism -- and I'm talking about the kind I find EVERYWHERE, not just here -- is really starting to get to me.

Two more things:

"In response to Doppelganger, I agree... it would be very overwhealming to dive into parenthood with out a support system... BUT it just doesn't seem natural to hire someone to help you. What do you do when your "contract" is up?"

But people hire doulas, midwives, and lactation consultants. Is that unnatural?

As for having a support system of other mothers, I couldn't agree more. But like a lot of first-time moms, I didn't meet other moms until after my baby was born, and I didn't consider any of them close friends until Sam was around six months old -- a bit late for a lot of the early decisions, though definitely awesome for the new situations that crop up.

Doppleganger,
I hear ya. I didn't mean to sound judgemental at ALL. I'm sorry. It just seems that now-a-days you can "buy" someone to just about anything, and I think it gets out of hand. I'm not meaning to judge women who think they might need this service, but... I'm sooo tired of whatever IT is that is making us belive that we must have the latest and greatest gadget (usually very expensive) or else we're not a good parent. AND, that we need to hire professionals to make these decisions for us. We're being stripped of our CONFIDENCE in ourselves as mothers. We do not need the expensive gadgets. We do not need the professional shoppers. We do not need the stack of parenting books. It's in US! We can do it!

I'm trying to teach my son (4 years old) about advertising. He's starting to understand that commercials are not "public service announcements". Their sole purpose is to get our money! So, be very leery of what people are telling you in regards to what they think you need. They usually just want your money. (It's kind of cute to hear him explain that!)


That said..

I too, didn't make my mommy friends until after Jack was born. Before that, I'm not sure how I did it... I think I just trusted my instincts and used common sense... and probably made mistakes, but that's inevitable and OK! But, then again, I have a very laid back personality about these things. I can see how someone can stress themselves out about making the "right" decision. I HAVE heard great things about the Baby Bargans book.

I'm looking forward to Baby #2 (someday!).... With all of our experience, it should be a cake-walk! Right? (please?!)

(o:

Doppelganger, I think you raise a valid point. But I think everyone seems to be uncomfortable with the concept of such a service because this duo seems to be more about trendiness than real needs.

For us, it was our doula that provided us with all the advice we needed. She also has a great website with all sorts of resources and links. I had researched the cloth diapers to death though -- My friends don't call me the Goddess of Cloth Diapering for nothing (I get all sentimental when I wander onto cloth diaper sites now).

We really needed her because I went into labour my first day off work, three weeks before my due date. We had very little at home -- no nursing bras, no sheets (I kept telling the doctors at the hospital that I couldn't have the baby yet because we had no sheets), very few diapers, no car seat, no crib, nada (well, okay, we had a Bugaboo)... Needless to say, the room was not organized either. But our doula got everything that we REALLY needed together, and helped out over the next month a couple of times a week. She was wonderful!

hey, if we all still lived in villages with our mothers, sisters, and female cousins nearby to share all their parenting wisdom (and their hand-me-down stuff, most importantly), and if 90% of our female peers got married and had kids at the same time we did, then these services wouldn't be needed.

sadly, since we live in the real world, I think they're great. I have zero friends with kids, my mom lives across the country, and I worked 50-60 hrs/wk up until 3 days before my daughter was born. yes, I muddled through, but it would have saved my a$$ to have someone talk me through the products and the challenges of new parenting. I didn't hire a baby nurse or a post-partum doula because I thought that was for rich people (and people who had an extra room for the baby nurse to sleep in - no space in our 1 BR!) - but in retrospect it would have been a good idea to hire SOMEONE who knew more than me and my clueless husband.

and doppelganger...I hear you on hating the judgers, but what's up with you judging women who go back to work? At least, that's what your "And I had no plan to return to work full-time when my mat leave was up, so don't worry -- I haven't put my kid on the back burner. He's the centre of my entire life, as he deserves to be." comment sounded pretty judge-y to me. Working mothers can be good parents too.

Hey, I'm glad I came back to this thread. The pregnancy (baby #2 is arriving in March) hormones have settled down, and I realize I may have gotten a bit overly defensive. To wit:

"and doppelganger...I hear you on hating the judgers, but what's up with you judging women who go back to work? "

Doh! That wasn't my intent at all. In fact, all my mom friends work full-time outside the home, and they're all wonderful people and great mothers and I love them a lot. I guess a little more personal context is necessary here: Before my mat leave, I was a producer of a nightly national TV program. It was a good, interesting job, but there's no way that I could have done it after Sam came. I'm sure other women could have, but not me. So when, in my addled state, I said that I went back to work part-time so that I could be a good mom (and a sane person), I was somehow miraculously expecting you all to read my mind and know all this. No hard feelings?

I think it's inevitable that in a forum like this, people are going to be misinterepreted. Also, it's hard to put our thoughts and opinions into context, as Doppelganger has mentioned. None of us know where the other is coming from when we comment. It's certainly tricky.

Here's my bottom line: What ever you need to do to be the BEST MOM you can be for your little ones is the right thing to do.

Doppelganger, congratulations on your baby!!!!

Doppelanger, cool! Would that be with Ian Hanomansing? If so, wow! Sounds like a really great job!

No hard feelings from me - thanks for clarifying. I get a little defensive and probably read more into your comment than was there in the first place - even without clarification.

and congrats - I'm due with #2 in March too! great month for new babies :)

I think the most important thing about having kids is not judging other people who have kids. We're all different and live differently and it's really hard to put yourself in another's shoes. Babies are hard and even the easy ones can give you a run for your money.
I had baby showers for both my kids. Six months after the first one, I hadn't even used 2/3 of the clothes and none of the gadgets, I took it all back and got store credits for future use.
okay, wait! there were two things I absolutely loved with the first.
*clip on chair. the kind that hang from a table or counter. the ones with the hard vinyl chair and removable tray. The other kind are really hard to keep clean and don't come with a tray.
*hand crank baby food grinder. very useful. totally low-tech.
*for the second kid, I added a cheapo ikea high chair. Soo easy to clean and it takes up hardly any space.
For the second baby shower, I just wanted my friends around to welcome the baby into the world. Homemade blankets and plush, a couple of bibs and we were set. I never had the need for a crib or bouncy chair or any of the other things the baby industry says we need. of course, not to say that those things might not come in handy and useful for anyone else:)

Hey, thanks, Melissa and kjirsty! (And congrats on your March baby, kjirsty. Let's race!) Uh-oh... I'm sensing a group hug moment...

monika: Ian Hanomansing -- I wish! No, I worked on a nightly arts and culture show that finished its run while I was on mat leave. I *did* pass Ian in the halls on a daily basis, though. He's as good looking as he is on TV, and super nice to boot.

Wow. This is the first time I've ever commented on one of these things, but I felt compelled by the strong opinions I saw here. Quite frankly, for people who seem to be so thrifty and into doing their own research, I'm surprised that no one has really picked up on the idea that "sparklish" commented on ... "So much of the "must-have" gear we got has gathered dust, and we found our own things that worked better for our baby."

Is no one else completely overwhelmed by the sheer number of products that are out there for your baby? Many of them are completely ridiculous and hardly necessities. And the multitude of brands and varieties takes a ton of time to research. There are like a dozen kinds of baby wrap/carriers now! So what do most new parents do when faced with all these options? They buy a little bit of everything to have their bases covered.

So when you talk about "what a waste of money", let's talk about all of the money that all of you have probably thrown away on products you don't need. Not to mention what a waste of space and now probably just plain old waste. That's not really good for the environment after all.

As a mother of a 2 year old and a 7 month old, I found that the products evolve quickly these days, and many of the products my friends had and loved are about three iterations ago. I noticed there were even different versions of products coming out during the 18 months between my first and second babies. And, as someone else commented, I found that most people had conflicting opinions. If there is anything I've learned about parenting is that it's a very personal experience. Even my own sister and I don't approach it the same way.

So I can see that there would be some value in being able to spend a little bit of money to have someone help me find what's right for me. I don't want to fall into the trap of getting too much stuff that's just going to gather dust in storage space I don't have.