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I am right there with you! Even $15 is too much for me, but I agree that books are a great gift. Most kids get too many toys and not enough, if any, books for their birthdays. So that's a great standby. I also got a good tip from another single mom - she told me to get gift certificate from Baskin Robbins (or Ben & Jerrys or whatever). The kids are thrilled because they can walk in the store with their "own" money. $5 is enough for a sundae. She said this covered all the birthday parties for the friends of her 2 kids all the way up to middle school.

In Seattle, you can often find very cheap new or like-new books at Half Price. Also I consign stuff at Bootyland and Sweet Pea, so I usually have credit at Bootyland (SP doesn't do credit) which has some great little unexpected things for gifts. Too bad their hours are so difficult for me.

I've never met a preschooler that wasn't into stickers. I have a box of sticker strips in my closet that I pull out for special treats for my son and also to throw in bday cards, etc.

"And to make the gift a bit more personal, we always make sure that our son "designs" the birthday card for the celebrate."

Yes! This is my favourite part of the process. :)

I was going to suggest a book, too. I think going with an obscure classic is a safe call, because you can be fairly sure that the child doesn't already own it. I've found the list of past Caldecott medal winners to be an AWESOME resource for books for preschoolers.

The book I've been buying lately for my toddler's friends is Leo Lionni's Pezzettino. My little guy LOVES it (as do I, not that that matters), so I assume other kids will, too.

Any chance of getting a group of moms to agree to a no-gifts policy? The average child gets 70 toys/year - it's absurd.

If gifts are a must, books can be a great option - but there's always the chance the child already has the book you are giving, so it's best if it can be exchanged. Booksense gift certificates are another possible way to go.

And I always like something that's a gift of an experience: tickets to a local petting zoo, aquarium, kid-friendly museum, etc. (But I don't know if that would be too expensive.)

Art supplies are always a great gift. A pad of good drawing paper and some colored pencils maybe. Books are great too. The birthday boy/girl might not jump up and down at the party over a picture book but it will last longer than a pile of Polly Pockets or such.

I also like books- especially for that age. If you have an unusual favorite, pick up a few of them to have on hand and you'll be ready for the parties whenever they come up.

I agree, Jeri, birthdays are out of control. For my son's fifth birthday party next week I put a sentence in the invitation asking parents not to bring a gift. I hate the idea of piles of toys that he probably wouldn't play with much, for the most part, some of which I might not want him to have anyway. As a general rule, I think less is more.

I agree with books or even gift certificates to local bookstores so the child could pick out their own. Instead of no gift policies, I think with the holidays coming you could always donate books or toys that are not needed. Involving the child in the process to pick out his/her favorites and sharing the rest with those less fortunate could start them on a lifelong mission of giving and sharing. Just a thought. Too have "too many" gifts is still unheard of in a lot of families, it shows how priviledged some here truly are. What a blessing.

The "no gifts, please" issue always stresses me out. I understand that the people who are requesting no gifts really mean what they're saying, but I've been burned once or twice by attending "no gifts" events, where EVERYONE ELSE brought a gift anyways, and then I ended up feeling like a total tool.

And while I certainly don't view parties as gift-grab occasions, I have this no-doubt-antiquated feeling that it's rude to tell people outright not to bring me (or my child, as the case may be) a gift, because it presumes that they were planning to bring me a gift. What would Miss Manners say about this?

I love giving gifts, and I want to teach my child the pleasure of picking out and giving something special to a friend or loved one. That said, I think it's important to make every effort to give people things they will use and enjoy, and it's ESPECIALLY important, in my opinion, to give people things that won't clutter up their homes and lives, which is why I like to give books. (I say this having just come back from a trip to visit family members who showered my toddler with presents. It was lovely of them, but some of these items are HUGE and I'm tearing my hair out trying to figure out where to keep them.)

How about a tote bag to carry books to/from the library? I just found some awesome ones at Sam Moon for $5. Or you could give a plain canvas bag with some fabric paint or markers. Or decorate it yourself before you give it.

Doppelganger, I totally agree. I really want to say "no gifts" but I think it's rude. So I feel stuck.

I also want to echo what you said about gift-giving etiquette. My son has been given a few really sweet, thoughtful gifts -- that took up an enormous amount of space and caused an enormous amount of conflict between us. I really wish people would think about that. Even when I'm buying a more expensive gift, I always try to get things that are small and quiet.

With the holidays approaching, art supplies (markers/crayons, clay, recycled paper notepads, stickers, etc.) are going on sale in a big way. And My Own Art boxes are a big winner with all kids. Make your own:

1. Start buying them in large numbers whenever you can.
2. Dump them in a basket or box and store on a high shelf.
3. Start collecting small boxes (like shoe boxes).
4. For each birthday, let you daughter decorate a box however (old gift wrap, old newspaper, fabric) for each birthday child. Include the B-day kid's name on the box.
5. Let her pick out 5-6 items from your "bulk art supplies" basket and put them in the box.
6. Attach a gift tag and go.

I am a former preschool teacher and nanny. From Malibu to Anchorage, these boxes have been a hit (and super cheap). To save time, you can predecorate the box and have your daughter add her friend's name and a special sticker later.

I hope this isn't considered rude, but I don't take my son to parties unless he is socially pretty tight with the birthday kid. So far that means he's scheduled to go to two this school year (the two little girls he's closest with at preschool), with maybe one more to come, although we've been invited to many more. The first gift was easy because we knew her well (she loves robots, she got a robot); the second is somewhat harder but we hardly need to develop a strategy for potential presents. As far as I can tell preschoolers are too young to feel any social stigma for skipping birthday parties, so we skip them. We stay home, drink margaritas, and go to the park: everyone is happy. Reduced gift-giving headaches are just a happy side effect.

For his own recent birthday, the only other kid we invited his cousin--he turned two, so we had a total of two kids (and as many adults as wanted to come drink margaritas). The guests gave him books, he got tons of attention, and it was great. When he turned one he was the only kid at his party (by the # of years=# of kids rule), which was also great. We plan to stick with this strategy until he is old enough to negotiate an alternative.

Well, I'm certainly in the minority here, but I say yawn for books (we always get a ton--and personally I prefer the library.) I love books but we have sooooo many. And you can get them all for free at the library, and you don't have to keep them on your shelves forevermore. By getting books at the library you can also see which ones your child actually digs, and then just add those to your permanent collection. We have been given many doubles, as well.

For girls' gifts, so far we've had great success with Fisher Price Snap-n-Style dolls for ages 2 and 3. My daughter gravitates towards dolls and can take off their clothes but she can't put them back on, which drives her nuts. These dolls are perfect for 2 & 3 year olds to dress themselves. When my daughter starts spazzing out when I'm trying to dress her, I distract her by having her dress her own dolly while I dress her. They are only 10 bucks, they are certainly not ubiquitous, and they don't take up a lot of room. Yes, they are plastic, yes, the blond doll looks like Chrissy from Three's Company, but I say yea for a little diversity from the tasteful wood toys etc. You can buy them here: http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2180&e=thumbnail&pcat=snap_n_style

When my little guy turned one a few months ago and we went to a bunch of little gatherings for his little buddies in my Mom's group, I made a mix CD of B's favorite tunes. Every single kid and parent loved it. It was inexpensive for me, but it has a nice impact. I didn't get terribly fancy with the cover art, but you could buy or download software to make a fun cover (a picture of your own kid, a picture of the birthday kid, scan in some artwork, etc.)

If the buddy's party was a little fancier (i.e., we got an actual mailed invite), I added a book to the gift. If it was an email invite or it said "no gifts", I just gave the CD.

I'm already making a mental list of B's new favorite tunes for Volume 2 (Age 2).

When I was a kid, the go-to birthday gift was a tub of gak. Ahhh....gak. Sadly, it's no longer available, but I think that any kid under age 7 is thrilled to get a new jar of play-doh. Kids always mix colors and it turns into crusty, dry brown play-doh. So to get that brand new jar of a cool color is always a treat.

Also, I really hope Dot is kidding when she says she limits the amount of children that come to her child's birthday, but welcomes adults. You can't plan out how many friends your kid is going to make based on their age...that's kind of silly. And I think it's a bit odd you mentioned margaritas twice in your comment when talking about watching a group of two-year-olds. Put down the margarita Dot.

For my daughters past birthdays (age 5), I have asked the kids to bring a new or gently used book to donate to the local family shelter in lieu of a gift. Everyone was really great about it and my daughter had a really good experience taking in a stack of books to the shelter and really didn't even notice "missing" presents because she still got a few from long distance grandma, grandpa, old friends and mom and dad. ANd for a 5 year old, that it more than plenty.

I agree with the awkwardness of the "no presents" request. I like being able to take my daughter out to pick something for another child (instead of focusing of themselves). I think it is a great teaching time for kids if you make it that and I don't like it being taken away.

For Jack's first birthday party, we asked people to bring canned food for our church's food pantry instead of a gift. He got toys and such from us and our parents. It worked out really well.
I think for his 5th birthday, we'll do the same.

Phoneill, I like the mix CD idea! We'll have to try that.

St@cy, you can make a Gak-like substance.... Boil 2 cups of water in a saucepan. Add 1/2 cup of cornstarch (sift it in) and stir until smooth. Add food coloring and stir. Remove from heat and cool. (from the Preschoolers Busy Book... a gold mine!)

St@cy, the "same number of kids as the child is old" rule is a classic--my mom used it, and I don't think my social life suffered! It definitely helps keep things mellow--and puts a cap on the gifts, too!

St@cy, I'm definitely not kidding about limiting the number of guests who are children. I've yet to see a kid 2-5 years old who doesn't get overwhelmed by birthday parties that have tons of other kids around. My son plays with his friends all the time outside birthday events. If he wants to talk me into inviting more than six people when he's seven (for example), I'm open to negotiation on the point once he's capable of expressing his reasons. But at his current age, no way.

My friends like margaritas, so we make them a lot when we have people over. I certainly hope YOU'RE kidding when you say my mentioning a particular drink twice makes you suspicious that I should "put down the margarita", which is hard to read as anything but a backhanded accusation of alcoholism. We're social drinkers, and there is always someone stone cold sober (often that's me! but wait, I'm a drunk! oh no, cognitive dissonance!) while we're watching two-year-olds.

My 10 year old cousin decided he did not want the gifts from his upcoming birthday party, and on the invite suggested that those who wanted to give a gift donate to a specific charity that meant a lot to him. People loved it and classmates did the same when their birthdays came around. It was such a "success" and taught the kids so much about giving, the local paper even got a hold of the news and wrote a story about it. It took the concept of teaching your kid about giving by donating his gifts, into a lesson that extended to all his friends.

Slightly older crowd here (4 & 5 year olds), but presents we have been giving of late:

-Steve Jenkins books, like Actual Size and With a Tail Like This
-Wolves by Emily Gravett
- Our daughter's favourite DVDs -- Charlie & Lola and Peppa Pig
-Zoob

Love the homemade CD and craft box ideas. I'm definitely filing those away for future reference.

"My 10 year old cousin decided he did not want the gifts from his upcoming birthday party, and on the invite suggested that those who wanted to give a gift donate to a specific charity that meant a lot to him."

That is so awesome. I love that it was his own idea. That's what really makes it special.

Dot, All I meant to imply was that your entry made your child's birthday party sound more like a party for adults since I'm pretty sure he's not enjoying any margaritas. Also, why not limit the number of adults? It just seems a little strange to me.

Sorry to all who use the age:# of guests ratio. Thinking about it more, I have to agree you're all totally right if you're referring to children 5 and under. My frame of reference was for my own birthday parties when I was a child. Once a kid is in elementary school, there can be a lot of social pressures. I think telling a six year old that they can only invite six friends no matter what, would be more stressful for your child than entertaining a house full of kids for a couple of hours would be for you.