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Good Questions: Where were you when you told them you were expecting?

2007-09-27-baby.jpgElizabeth asked us this question: I am curious how other people chose to tell their partner that they were pregnant? I am planning for that special moment, and I want it to be just right since it is such an important, life-changing moment. I'm sure it should be personal for each couple, but I'm wondering: should I tell him at home? Go out to dinner? Give him some kind of hint? I know this seems silly, but I'm curious how other people broke the news.

 
 

Thanks Elizabeth. We don't think it's silly at all. I'm sure our AT readers have some stories to share.

Original pic found here.

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just tell him :)

posted by Sol on September 27th 2007 at 4:20am
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I think it really depends on if you were actively trying to have a child together. If you were trying, or you know it will be well received and not a tremendous shock, I think the main thing is to tell quickly, and not wait to make it a surprise. I can't imagine keeping that a secret for days, so it should be something simple that can be done immediately: card, wrap up the pregnancy test, a calendar turned to the right month with the due date circled.

posted by KatieD on September 27th 2007 at 4:50am
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oh god, in my life it was NOT ideal. In fact, it was so not ideal, we laugh out loud. So, last October my husband went to Idaho from our home in Chicago for his high school friend's wedding, while I stayed home. This was only a month after our own wedding so we were a little broke at the time. While he was gone I was having all kinds of nausea and general body weirdness and I kind of thought I could be pregnant. Caution to those who don't want to get pregnant right away after their wedding -- stay AWAY from the champagne. :) Anyhoo, I got a pregnancy test and did it, and lo and behold I was pregnant. And my husband wasn't due back for another 2 days. I was anxiously waiting for him to get home so I could tell him but he called me all pissed off from Phoenix where he was making a connection and he wasn't going to make it home until the next day. So he asked me to tell him a happy story to take his mind of the fact that he would be spending the next 12 hours in the Phoenix airport and I just couldn't hold it in any longer and said "You're going to be a daddy!" Uh...total silence. Soooo not the response I was hoping for. Poor guy had to spend the next 12 hours on the floor of an airport with that life-changing information. I think next time I will do that differently.

posted by robin on September 27th 2007 at 4:54am
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honestly, i called her at work after i had a positive hpt (that i thought would be negative). i wish sometimes i had waited til she was home to even take the test, but we were on our third month of fertility treatments, so i was pretty eager.

posted by lb on September 27th 2007 at 4:54am
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I walked out of the bathroom post positive hpt and told him. He was thrilled (we had been trying for a while). I don't get the cutesy theatrics. And I really don't think my husband would have appreciated it if I knew and didn't tell him so I could cook up an elaborate presentation.

posted by cmcinnyc on September 27th 2007 at 5:11am
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also, just walked out of the bathroom with the positive test results and told him. of course he didn't believe it :) and i ended up taking three or four more tests before he accepted the truth! we were both very happy just in denial that it happened so quick.

posted by gleek on September 27th 2007 at 5:15am
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My husband knew right when I did. He didn't even want me taking a test without telling him that I was going to do it. He really didn't want to be left out of the loop... and he's been with me all the way ever since too (with our almost 2 year old).

posted by rehtse534 on September 27th 2007 at 5:29am
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my husband was with me the entire time i took the test. he actually went and bought it for me. i was feeling sick and suspecting i was preg (we were trying) and didn't have tylenol only aspirin which of course you can't take if your preg. so he went and bought me tylenol and a preg test and he stood in the bathroom with me while i took it and we both were staring at it waiting for the result. i wouldn't have done it alone, i wanted him there. i wanted to get the result at the same time that he did.

posted by hersheyismybaby on September 27th 2007 at 5:30am
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I didn't.

We were in the ER (I had torn my ACL, long story). The doc asked if I thought I might be. I had suspected, but we had so much trouble conceiving, we both dismissed it.

One cup peed in... and lo and behold...

The doc said, "the test is positive."

I 'bout fell out of the hospital bed.

They put 11 layers of lead on me to do the Xray. A few months later, I had surgery (not fun being PG, having horrible morning sickness, not being able to walk, being on crutches, teaching full time, and being in horrible pain. Oh, and we had just moved back from Europe.)

But, 33 weeks later, our beautiful daughter was born. So it was worth all the pain and agony.

posted by La Rêveuse on September 27th 2007 at 5:37am
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Just yesterday a friend took a photo of her digital pregnancy test that clearly said "Pregnant". She emailed it to her husband. It was cute.

posted by christinanyc on September 27th 2007 at 5:52am
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I had all intentions of surprising him (as much as it can be a surprise when you're actively trying) but as soon as that line popped up, I freaked out, ran downstairs and showed him the test. I couldn't do anything else. Ah well.

posted by pyjammy on September 27th 2007 at 6:16am
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I'm not one for gimmicky announcements.

I ran out of the bathroom waving a pregnancy stick and said "I think you should pause the football game for a minute..."

posted by LizCoolMomPicks on September 27th 2007 at 6:16am
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Well, my second pregnancy was not planned. I just remember waiting for a bus feeling nauseous for the second morning in a row and it slowly dawning on me that I was pregnant. This was thrilling as it was difficult to become pregnant the first time. SO I picked up a test on my way home, woke up way early the next morning, took the test and it was positive.
I immediately woke up my husband and told him I couldn't sleep. He opened his eyes, looked up at me sitting on the bed and said, "What's wrong?" I said "Guess who's pregnant?" And he said "Who?" And I said, "ME!" and the biggest smile appeared on his face. He didn't feel left out of being right there in the bathroom— I think he was glad to be a little surprised the second time.

posted by redcloverstar on September 27th 2007 at 7:12am
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I never really planned how to tell my husband each time I got pregnant. And I ended up using pretty much the same approach each time: startling him awake first thing in the morning by speechlessly and excitedly waving a pee-soaked stick inches away from his face. He seemed happy enough with this approach. :)

posted by TammyE on September 27th 2007 at 7:31am
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HE told me!

He bought the test. He held the stick while I peed on it. He read the results to me.

This time around I'm taking the tests by myself. I plan to send him a text message or maybe an icard.

Congrats and Good Luck!

posted by jairip on September 27th 2007 at 7:59am
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Same story as gleek-had to prove it with multiple tests. We had waited years to have a baby, then decided to start trying and it happened almost immediately. And we decided we'd celebrate the day as our own tradition-Family Day, the day we found out. And it's today, September 27. We've celebrated in some small way every year since 2001. I hadn't thought about that it was coming up, thanks AT. Now to go buy some balloons...

posted by pelicolina on September 27th 2007 at 8:27am
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With our last pregnancy, we had been trying, and my hubby was out of town on our anniversary. The morning of our anniversary, I took the pee test and it was positive. I called the hotel (he was in a meeting and couldn't answer his phone) and told the person that I had a vitally important message that had to get to my husband. I kept pressing how important it was, please make sure he gets this message, Okay He would get it into his room. He gets his peice of paper and pen ready and says "Okay , whats the message?"

"Congratulations Daddy"

"thats it?" he says and then I again pressed upon him how important this message was, and I could tell he understood after that.

When my husband got back to the room he found the note in his hotel room on the floor as soon as he walked in and still has the note. He knew immediatly what it meant and called very excited.

posted by beckyann2597 on September 27th 2007 at 8:40am
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I had been feeling 'weird' for days, was late, and just couldn't stand waiting, so picked up a pg test while on lunch. Took the pee test while in the bathroom at work. I tried to wait, lasted five minutes, and ducked outside to call then-hubby. He wasn't totally thrilled...I was also in the middle of hunting for a job.

Ah, well. ;)

And now we have a gorgeous little boy.

posted by Nevanna on September 27th 2007 at 8:44am
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we have always wanted the whole pregnancy process to be about both of us, it's not "i'm pregnant", it's "we're pregnant". so when it came time to find out, i knew that i didn't want to make an elaborate deal out of it and keep it from him any longer than necessary.

i had a suspicion when i was two weeks late. we hadn't been 'trying'...but when you stop preventing, and continue to practice...you know what's likely to occur. anyhow, i got up early one morning, peed on my stick, saw the two lines appear, walked into the bedroom where boy was slowly coming out of sleep and:

Me: "Can you read something for me?"
boy turns light on "sure, what?"
hand boy stick, Boy: "what do two lines mean?
Me: "well, one line means we're not pregnant"
Boy: "what does two lines mean?"
Boy: Big smile starts going across his face "YOU MEAN I WORK?!?!?!"

that night we had a bunch of friends over to watch a movie and i drank fake gin and tonics the whole evening...once when someone looked over at me filling my drink i even pretended to pour gin in just so no would suspect. we wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit. this was all in february...thus, i'm due in four weeks!

posted by bbt on September 27th 2007 at 8:54am
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Well, we weren't trying, but we weren't NOT trying either. So, when I suspected I might be pregnant, I took a test at home by myself just to be sure. When it came up positive, I freaked! My husband was due home in a couple hours, and I had no idea how to tell him. Would he be happy? Would he be upset? When he walked in the door, all I could think to do was seduce him, because let's face it, a man is pretty happy afterwards. So, a little while later lying blissfully in each other's arms in bed I casually say, "You know, my period is still MIA..." (He had already known that much.)

He: "Well, maybe we should buy a pregnancy test."
Me: "Um, yeah, I already did that."
He: "Well, maybe you should take it."
Me: "Um, yeah, did that, too."
He: "What? Really? What did it say?"
Me: "It was positive..."

He started laughing and hugged me very tight. A year later, we have a gorgeous wee baby boy.

Good luck!

posted by lauriemc on September 27th 2007 at 9:18am
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My husband and I were having a fight ( I was hormonal ) and then I blurted out if I am pregnant this is sooo bad for the baby. So he looks at me and says "Do you think?" And in a flash he's dressed and out of the house and back with a hpt. It comes back positive and it ends up in hugs and lots of happy tears. I think he was more excited than I was.

posted by Jessyz on September 27th 2007 at 9:39am
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We'd been trying so long with so little success that my husband didn't believe me the first time I showed him the positive pregnancy test. I quote: "That doesn't look like two lines to me." But the tests just kept getting more positive. I finally thought to use a digital one.

posted by dot on September 27th 2007 at 10:10am
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Guess we were pretty typical, as hubby bought the test and waited for the results with me...

It was the first unprotected cycle ever, and our "practice run" (we were going to start trying the next month). For months, all I saw on tv and read in magazines was how by age 37 you have almost no fertility left (I was 37), and so did not expect to get pregnant, and definitely not right away.

When I spotted and started getting cramps, I was sure that my period was coming, and so called him at work and said "guess your little guys are going to have to work harder next month!", and he replied "oh, I think they worked fine, and you *are* pregnant", and so bought a test on the way home. (he had actually read up on implantation bleeding!)

The next morning, he helped me take the test... I screamed and practically fainted, thinking "oh what have I got myself in to?!"

(In answer to that, yesterday was our amazing and exasperating and thouroughly enchanting daughter's birthday.)

He was there for our second pregnancy too, and held my hand again while we waited.

I just can't imagine not having him by my side through everything, good and bad.

posted by mschatelaine on September 27th 2007 at 10:24am
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We were not officially trying yet, though we had been talking about it for ages and were in the final stages of "getting ready to start trying" (He was dying for a baby even before we got married but I'd kept him waiting for several years while I finished grad school and launched my career).

When I took the test, my musician husband was still on tour in Germany, scheduled to fly home in 2 more days. I was bursting with the news since since I couldn't tell my husband yet, I really couldn't talk to anyone about it.

Several months earlier, I'd found a cute short haircut in a magazine and told him, "that's how I'll cut my hair when I get pregnant." So to pass the time, I went in and had my long hair hacked off. When he called from Europe the last time, I told him I had some "surprises" for him but said no more. I knew I had to wait and tell him in person--I wanted to see the look on his face, wanted to be able to kiss and hug and freak out together, and if I had told him on the phone, he would have gone *insane* on the 18 hour journey home.

When he finally got through customs and emerged into the waiting area, we kissed and hugged--we hadn't seen each other in six weeks. I whispered, "did you figure out the surprise?" His eyes widened in amazement and disbelief and he pointed at my stomach. I nodded and he nearly fainted.

I wouldn't wait too long purely in the interest of engineering an elaborate set-up; I think the news itself is drama enough without going to great lengths to set the scene, and of course he deserves to know ASAP. But I would favor telling him in person rather than, say calling him at work... I think it's really nice to be together to share the moment, with the time and space to process it and talk about it together. It's a moment you'll both probably never forget.

Congratulations!

posted by tsubaki on September 27th 2007 at 11:20am
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With my first pregnancy, we were surprised. I had been charting my fertility and gave myself an ultimatum date. If my temps didn't fall/start my period by x date I would take a test. It was like 33 days and I'm a majorly regular 28dayer. So the test (all three of them) was securely positive.

I was home alone and pondering how to break the Surprise. I thought, it will have to be done with humor. So I wrote across my belly "I love you, Daddy" in washable marker.

He didn't get it. Men. So I had to tell him in plain and simple words, "i. am. pregnant." haha! We still laugh about how he didn't get it. After he recovered from the shock, he was really excited.

The second time, I was loosely charting and miscalculated, so thought I taking it on Day 29, but it was actually Day 22 (I ovulate early). So my way of telling him was, "Hey, I think I can see a second line, can you!?" It was very faint, but there. A couple of mornings later, it was firmly there. heehee.

posted by diber on September 27th 2007 at 3:31pm
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With my first child, the hubby waited outside the bathroom while I took the test. When it came out positive, he insisted on taking the day off to take me to the doctor for confirmation and then we had lunch together and just acted like giddly, lovesick fools.

With my second pregnancy, I think I might have told him on the phone--I can't remember anymore! But he came to the first ultrasound...when we found out we were having twins! Talk about speechless.

posted by Kat on September 27th 2007 at 4:13pm
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Send him to the store for pickles and peanut butter. Kidding. Kind of.

posted by gretchen on September 27th 2007 at 4:35pm
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Like several others, we decided to stop preventing and let what is supposed to happen, happen. We'd discussed that we felt we were ready. So figured we should go for it.

I took a bajillion tests and they all came back negative. Finally one night (it was a Wednesday, Lost was on. :) ) I took one and the result was blurry. Inconclusive is what the box said... so I decided to take another one in the morning.

Stumbling out of bed in the wee hours of the morning, I went ahead and did the test...(I was in the bathroom anyhow..)

I came back to bed to find my husband awake and looking at me, "Well?"

I was so groggy that I mumbled something about "Oh, I don't know... the negative line is there,and there's something else, but I don't know... lets just go back to sleep."

I woke up an hour or so later and checked the test (which I had thrown away.) Sure enough... a faint plus sign was there.

I called him and said "I think it's postive?!" He instructed me to go out and buy the most expensive one I could find. I went with digital and sure enough... I was pregnant. We're due at the end of the year.

Another funny story is how I told my parents. When I was little, I couldn't say "surprise" it came out "Curprise." I made my mom a toddler t-shirt that said curprise on it and gave it to her as an early mother's day gift. She looked at it and said, "Oh... that's cute." I knew by her face that she didn't know what I meant by it. I just replied with, "I'm 5 weeks along." She screamed and hugged me and then confessed, "I thought it was for the dog..."

My father was half asleep when I called to tell him so he didn't know what was going on. He called me two hours later and just said, "Are you with child?"

posted by Zenbot on September 27th 2007 at 6:43pm
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Nothing elaboarate here.

I actually found out at my yearly check-up, but we'd suspected something the weekend before when the smell of fresh bread and fried shrimp made me nauseous (and usually those are two of my favorite foods). So, he had an inkling. Immediately after the Dr's appt (no cell phone coverage inside the building), I called hubby at work and said, "You're gonna be an awesome Daddy!"

He's the best daddy there is to our now almost 7-month old!

posted by alredd on September 27th 2007 at 6:56pm
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I just found out today!! My husband has been wanting to get the movie "Knocked up" so when I was buying my test today I got the movie too. I thought it was funny. When we met for lunch I told him I had a surprise for him. I handed him the movie with the test. His response was "HaHa it actually comes with one of these things" It took him awhile to believe me that it was real...lets just say he was shocked, but happy. My head is still spinning.

posted by KellyMT on September 27th 2007 at 7:48pm
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Evolution is bizarre. My grandmother just had a "glow". My mother went to a doctor and waited to hear if she had killed some poor rabbit. I peed on a stick.

We had been trying for three years. I no longer did pee sticks around him because we would both be depressed all day.

We were on our third month of "sex for babies" with a thermometer so we could bypass the six months of that before heading to a fertility clinic.

That month we both had terrible headcolds when the thermometer told us the "time was right". We managed to work up some enthusiasm despite our other miseries. I thought "maybe". He thought under those conditions,"No way."

We were out of town for a week, and I just needed to know. I slipped into the bathroom while he was asleep and peed on the stick. It was positive.

I woke him up but couldn't speak because tears of joy were running down my face and my throat clogged up. He saw me crying and smiling and knew. It was a very happy moment.

It is a happy memory even almost fifteen years later. A very, very dear memory for a lifetime.

posted by Cate on September 27th 2007 at 9:01pm
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i'd skipped my period, and even though it occasionally does happen to me, i had a strange felling this time it was different.
my best friend, who was living with us at the time, had a spare test, so I thought, what the heck, before I head off to work tomorrow I may as well try. And positive it was.
Hubby was asleep, and I hid the test (i hid it really well in the bathroom!!), went down to the cafeteria to get coffee and croissants for breakfast (not unusual for us, I often forget to buy milk and cereals for breaky!).
when I got back he was in bed with a stupid grin on his face! first thing he said was 'i gotcha! now you're stuck with me forever!!'.
he'd often said he would have loved to have a child with me, but I'd always run a mile from the idea....when i heard my son's voice for the first time in the operating theatre, i thought ' why have i waited so long?'.
any moment will be the right moment, every way is the right way for such a message!

posted by candida on September 27th 2007 at 10:29pm
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KellyMT -

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

posted by bbt on September 28th 2007 at 4:48am
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there's no way i would have taken the test without my husband there! i don't really get the surprise announcement aspect of this - unless this is not a planned pregnancy i guess. anyway, at my house, we walked into the bathroom together after the three minute mark to see that plus sign on the pee stick. wait for him and do it together!

posted by fortytworoads on September 28th 2007 at 5:01am
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with my parents, i called my parents on my mom's birthday, which was only two weeks after my dad's and told them that i had a birthday present for them...but that they were going to have to wait nine months to receive it. my mom screamed out of pure joy, my dad got all giddy and childlike.

with the husband's family...we were going to see them when were at 12 weeks...we weren't quite sure how to tell them (the WHOLE family was there, over 20 people)...my father-in-law handed me a beer when we walked into the house after our 12 hour drive to see them all, which i just held in my hand (and it was one of my favorite beers! so unfair), we started talking about some of my husband's recent artwork, soooo, i handed my mother-in-law an envelope and said "here's one of evan's most recent creations"...she pulls out a black and white image and is spinning it around for a few minutes before she realized it was an ultrasound. she started crying and saying "really?!?!" the rest of the family was reasonably confused til they realized what the photo was of. it was incredible!

posted by bbt on September 28th 2007 at 5:02am
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he found out before I did, it was an ivf preg so they did a blood test and I chickened out and gave my husband's mobile phone at the doctor's.... I loved hearing it from him!

posted by Sofia on October 1st 2007 at 9:24am
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Aww. these are great.
But if it's already the case that you know and he doesn't... there's nothing wrong with a little pomp and circumstance!!

I say... tie a bow around around the stick and hand it to him. Someone else mentioned wrapping it up... I like that too!

I've always loved the scene from "It's a Wonderful Life" where George Bailey gets home late, finds his wife asleep in bed. She is stirred awake while he grumbles about something saying, "You shoulda married Sam Wainwright."
She replies, "Oh no. I want my baby to look like you!"

So sweet! He figures it out pretty quickly... it's charming.
"George lassos stork!" Love it.

I would want to deliver the news with a little pomp... I like the idea above of writing the message on your belly! Too cute.
My BF and I are abstinent, if we marry we won't use birth control, and considering my age the whole prospect of pregnancy will be a crapshoot... (since there will be no line between not trying and trying) so I figure I get to surprise him! A baby golf hat or something.

My cousin went to visit her parents when she was first expecting baby number one - and just slipped the ultrasound photo next to her mom's dinner plate and waited for the eruption!
I think I'd present my parents with a bib or onsie printed with a grandparents message.

posted by clickchick on October 1st 2007 at 2:56pm
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Well, my husband and I marrid late -36- even though we knew each other in High School. I got pregnant 9 days after we got married. Because I was old- I didn't want to tell him until I knew for sure everything was ok. SO I waited, and waited. I told myself 1 month, then 2, then the famous "first trimester" then it was rounding 4 months and I figured I would tell him on Thanksgiving.

2 days before Thanksgiving I had a major car accident- I rolled my Jeep Wrangler (softtop) down a hill in a ice storm. I had to tell him in the ER surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't know because they had me wrapped in so much lead to do x rays. I got a call the next day from the guy behind the curtain in the other part of the ER who had overheard everything and wanted to know if everything was ok. Really. It was sweet, in a weird way.
Maxwell was born right on time and perfect. He's still perfect 3 1/2 years later.
Don't worry about how you are going to tell anyone- just do it!

posted by lorijo on October 1st 2007 at 7:05pm
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marrid= married. Oops

posted by lorijo on October 1st 2007 at 9:36pm
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