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Working from Home Near Child and Nanny
Good Questions

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Q: I'm about to transition from working out of the home to working full-time in a home office. We've had a nanny for my 2.5-year-old since she was a few months old who we are keeping on and since the weather has turned colder, they'll be home a lot. I'm wondering how other moms or dads with a similar setup handle this - I'm worried my daughter will know I'm close by and want to be with me and also worried that I'll be tempted to look in on her at every cry or wimper. Should I lock the door and turn on music?

Sent by Naomi

 
 

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Comments (11)

I don't have kids, but i like to think that IF i did; i would just lock the door and turn on some music or put on headphones.

Hope you find somthing that works for you and the baby.

I have been working from home since before my oldest child (now almost 4) was born. When she was about 4 months old, we hired a nanny to watch her while I was working. You are right; the kids do know you are home, and they do want to come see you. I work in my bedroom when the kids are in the house (I used to have a home office, but now it's a bedroom for my second child), and I keep the door closed when I am working. If I leave it open, they do come in, and then it's very hard to get them to leave. Also, if your child cried when you left the house for work previously, he/she may cry every time you come in and out of the room if you are working in a home office. I actually pack a lunch to work from home -- this always gets a big laugh from my friends -- because, if I come downstairs, I have to go through another big good-bye transition the same as I did in the morning when I went into my office. Yes, it is hard not to come running when you hear them cry, but if you have someone you trust watching them (which it sounds like you must since this nanny has worked for you for awhile), it is easier. I actually turn on my iPod as much as I can when working (part of my job is writing, so when I am writing a magazine article or something like that I can't really concentrate enough with the music going). With the music on, I don't hear any of the crying, etc. It's also a good idea to talk to your nanny about how this will work when you are home -- she will likely have questions, too, about whether or not you will be involved with things since you are close by, etc. It is an adjustment for the nanny, as well, to get used to having the parent home while he/she watches the kids. She will want to know if there are times you want her to involve you in situations, etc. And, she will want to know if there are times she can expect you to be coming in and out of the picture. I very rarely got involved with ours (she has since moved away, and now I only work part-time with no child care), but there were a few instances when situations were really bad or the kids were sick that I helped. So it's good to talk about that with your nanny and any questions he/she may have up front. Working from home can be a challenge but it's very rewarding, too. Good luck!

posted by judydanielle on December 31st 2009 at 1:33pm
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I work full time but occasionally have days where I work from home. We have a nanny and on cold winter days we encounter this situation a lot. In the mornings I tell my girls (2yo and 9 mo) that Mommy's going to work and I just walk upstairs to work in my bedroom. We have an office in our basement but most days they are playing down there and even though it's a separate room, it's too noisy for me to be productive. I find that as long as I keep the door closed they don't try to come in and I'm not too bothered. I can certainly hear them downstairs but having low music on helps keep me focused on my work. I also agree with Judy, that the less you leave your room/office the better. When I do run down to the kitchen to grab a drink/snack the girls get all riled up and what should be a 2 min break turns in to 20 min. I would also definitely talk this over with your nanny, since it can change the dynamic a bit. In all reality, it's a nice situation and can work wonderfully as long as you're prepared and can keep your focus. Good luck and congrats!

you really do need to have a separate place to make it work - i thought it would be easy but it's much harder because you don't forget they are there. you have to treat it like going to work and the most important thing is creating a pattern for your child. whatever you choose to do should be a schedule you keep every day so they can learn to predict it and feel comfortable. so if you eat lunch with your child, do it at the same time every day and go back to your office. it'll be a transition and it will be tough but it will also be great!

As a nanny who has been in this situation - you really have to make the boundary clear that you're unavailable. You can offer to schedule short "visits" at lunch time and whatnot, but other than that - you absolutely, for everyone's sanity, need to be out of the way if your child is going to respect the nanny's being there and not just run off looking for you.

Trust that your nanny will take care of things just as well as she always had, and also trust that if something emergent happens, *she* will come *to you.* It's a difficult balance, but it totally can be done. Get some good music and some headphones and try to relax as much as you can knowing that your child is in good hands in the next room.

the less you leave your room/office the better. When I do run down to the kitchen to grab a drink/snack the girls get all riled up and what should be a 2 min break turns in to 20 min. I would also definitely talk this over with your nanny, since it can change the dynamic a bit.

Yes, exactly. In the morning, let your nanny know what your schedule looks like, just as a head's up. It will help her to anticipate breaks. Over time, it will be easier - the children I was caring for accepted that their daddy was home, but working, and being able to say "Hi!" for a minute or two at specific points of the day made it easier to avoid the urge to pop in every ten seconds.

Another former nanny who's parent worked at home.

Shut the door. Make clear schedules and boundaries. Ignore cries and tantrums (trust your nanny). Schedule "lunch" with your child. Don't spend all your time spying on your nanny.

Listen, everything worked great when you worked out of the home. You trust your nanny and your child is happy. Working from home is a awesome opportunity for you (no commute and closer to your child) and for your nanny (fewer hours because of your lack of commute). BUT you need to remember that during your workhours you are no longer in your home but in your nanny's workplace. She would never invade your office - show her the same respect.

I loved having my "mom" work from home. She would eat lunch with her kids and tuck them in for naps. But when it was her time to work - come hell or high water those kids stayed away from her office. And she recognized that it was important to let me nap when the kids napped and let them make a huge mess sometimes because it always got cleaned up. We each had our jobs and we each did them well - we just got to snuggle little babies while we did them!

Sounds like you've got some great advice above. I work part-time from home, and my husband is watching our 15-month-old while I work. Sometimes I take my laptop and go work from a nearby coffee shop or the library -- an option you can keep in mind on days when you really don't want to be distracted by your little one.

I worked at home 40 hrs/wk until my child was 20 months, with a nanny-grandmother there. Maybe it was her young age, personality or/and the flexibility of my job (graphic design) but I had a very open door policy, unless I was on a conference call or web cam. I'd read somewhere that you can nearly always spare 5 minutes for your child for a hug or comfort or just to say hi. I would always have lunch with her.

Now she is 4 and I work much less and don't get a sitter unless I am going to a meeting somewhere or have an intensive project. She is a good at independent play and I can get a lot done while she is in the same room.

This is just how it worked for us.

Lots of other nannies giving great advice. As a former nanny who experienced how this set-up can totally fail, I am leery. Not saying that it can't work out, just that it is ultra hard. I think the advice you've gotten is stellar: do communicate with your nanny, first and foremost. Set boundaries you are both comfortable with. Allow those boundaries to apply when anyone else -- your partner, a friend, grandparent, whatever -- is in charge, as well. Make sure your kids are clear on what is to be expected.

The parent I worked for tried to work from home, but her children would not respect me at all if they knew that she was in the house, even from a very young age. We're talking everything from refusal to allow me to change diapers to eventually out and out disobedience just to garner the attention of mom. And of course, they were not afraid to cry. Very loudly. Just outside her door, little mouths at the keyhole. If I took them away, it was a physical struggle. And the parent gave in. Every time. They knew she would come out to see what was going on and she always did. Therefore, my job became a nightmare. Not only that, I felt like no one -- not the kids, not the parents -- respected my abilities. What was a controlled, calm, fun environment when she was not there became nearly impossible when mom was around. Eventually, she ended up ditching work and taking us all out to lunch/ice cream every day, which was a waste of everyone's time.

I say it would be better to set them up at the library for a few hours, then have them shipped off to a museum or a class or even starbucks (indoor stuff in the winter, the park, of course, when it's nice), then make sure you're already behind closed doors (and car out of sight? Don't need to lie about your presence, but something like that might be a trigger...) so that returning from their day out can be the focus until you are ready to see them. Be strong. Do not open the door.

posted by babygotbooks on January 2nd 2010 at 4:48am
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When I was in college I looked after a little one who's mom worked from home for a while. When I arrived I would immediately take the little one out for a walk (we have fairly mild winters in the part of Oregon I live). We would say goodbye to mom and when we came home the house would be "empty." She would occasionally hear a noise or seem to suspect, but I got pretty good at distracting her and the plan worked out pretty well.

posted by calu0689 on January 3rd 2010 at 12:51am
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I do it and I don't have a separate door that I can close. My husband used to do it, but for him it was too distracting. I think it just depends on the personalities of all involved.

I would say for those times that they're driving you mad being loud, scope out a few local coffee shops where you can escape for a bit while working.

posted by KatieD on January 5th 2010 at 3:19pm
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