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Hot or Not? Opening Presents at the Party

082709openingbdaygifts.jpgThis question came up in one of our local mom message boards: Should a one-year old open her presents during the party or after?

 
 

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Comments (32)

I really think it depends on the nature of your party, but I voted "not". We just had my 1 year old's party with about 40-50 people there, and there was no way we were going to sit there and open presents in front of everyone--it just seems uncomfortable, or tacky, or something. Instead, we opened all the gifts after most people had left, and only family and very close friends remained. This seemed to work well.

posted by hyzen on August 27th 2009 at 3:08pm
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We opened the gifts at my one year old's party because the timing and mood was right for it. I think a lot of people enjoyed seeing a very excited little girl open presents. I hope we can continue doing so into the future to show appreciation for those that give a gift and also to learn how to receive gifts gracefully.

personally, I can't stand shopping for something that i think is special and not being able to see someone's face as they open it!

posted by hoosthatgirl@ on August 27th 2009 at 3:18pm
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Although I was unsure about this too when my daughter turned one. She opened her presents and was very excited to see everything. I think it was mostly the other people's reaction that had her clapping and giggling. This was a small party though and she only had a few gifts. I would not have opened them had there been a lot of presents. Not just for her sake, but for everyones. Kids just don't have that much patience, even if it is fun.

posted by MadMaddie on August 27th 2009 at 3:55pm
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You really have to play it by ear. I assumed we would but after the grilling was over and the cake was cut, the party goers (overwhelmingly single without kids) cut out of there pretty quickly so I had no desire to say "Hey, everyone! Come back so you can open the gifts with us!" so I opened them after everyone left and we took photos and I sent everyone a very nice thank you note.

If family or stragglers were there, I would happily have included them in the occasion.

I think if you open them on your own you should certainly send thank yous (or at least e-mails) as soon as possible. I've gone to a few kid parties and haven't been there for the gift opening and the whole next week or so am curious as to whether the gift was OK or enjoyed.

posted by jensational on August 27th 2009 at 3:57pm
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My bub is turning one next month, and we are only having a very small gathering (sheesh 40-50 people...is your kid Suri Cruise?) and I totally plan on having him open the gifts at the party...other than the cake, it'll be the most fun he'll have!

posted by strawberryfuzz on August 27th 2009 at 4:03pm
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My son is turning 1 next month also... we're having roughly 20 guests (mostly family). We'll open the gifts later. To me, nothing says boring like watching someone open gifts... even if the recipient is a cutie......

posted by modern on long island on August 27th 2009 at 4:16pm
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For the first few years we wrote "your presence is gift enough" on the birthday invitations but by our daughter's 4th birthday we gave up. Everyone always ignored it.

And our kids always open the presents during the party. Like previous posters have said, it's not just about the birthday kid opening the gifts. When my 4 year old goes to a party, the highlight for her is watching the birthday child open her gift. She would be crushed to miss that.

posted by pennycarnival on August 27th 2009 at 4:20pm
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We just celebrated our son's first birthday party, and his little terror of a cousin managed to open the packaging on all but one of the gifts and play with them so they were in non-returnable condition (got some annoying electronic stuff that I would have exchanged) and one item got all dirty and scuffed. I wish we had just taken the gifts upstairs as soon as they were opened and stashed them in our closet so they would be out of sight/out of mind for the terror. Our son was happily playing with a broom during the entire party, so he couldn't have cared less.

posted by KkatMpls on August 27th 2009 at 4:50pm
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I have 3 kids (7, 2 and 1) they all opened gifts at their party. Everyone couldn't wait to see their gift opened. another sibling or cousin helped open the gifts and we even did 2 at a time Told who it was from ,held it up and thanked them to make it go fast. There were parties with over 35 people too (we have large families).

posted by Icanmakeit on August 27th 2009 at 5:47pm
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It's hot if you have a small party. It's not hot when you have a ginormous party with tons of kids present.

posted by stickyricemama on August 27th 2009 at 6:06pm
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Our son had his first birthday in July. He's still not interested in opening presents, so we let the kids open the presents they brought for him and show him the present. That worked pretty well, and kept the other kids engaged. But, we also had a smaller group. Just 4 kids and 18 adults, so it was easier to manage.

posted by chrispykreme on August 27th 2009 at 6:08pm
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When a guest is about to leave, we ask if they would like to come and watch our child open their gift before they go. This way they get to see our child's response, make their own comments and receive thankyou's then say goodbye in a one on one setting. We then put the opened gift away so that they don't get played with at the party. I don't like to open gifts in front of everyone as some guests give a little and some give a lot, all gifts are appreciated and I wouldn't want anyone to feel their gift did not compare, no matter how small because its the thought that is important. My guests have always said that they appreciate it being done this way.

posted by Miss_Shwee on August 27th 2009 at 7:28pm
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We opened them at my daughter's first birthday. It was all family. And everyone was excited to see her open gifts. Thankfully she was excited too!

I agree with others who said that they try to pick something special for the birthday child (or adult for that matter), and it's nice to be able to see the reaction when opened.

And I also agree that it's important for kids to learn how to accept a gift graciously and to in turn offer thanks. I think a thank you note (or email at the least) is an important gesture that unfortunately seems to be losing hold.

posted by anmar on August 27th 2009 at 7:30pm
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I know it's done all the time, but I think it's never appropriate to open gifts in front of a whole party.

posted by suzyblu on August 27th 2009 at 8:38pm
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When we host a party for our kids, we request no gifts (our house is overflowing with stuff). It works pretty well (95%), and we stash any gifts out of sight ASAP.

When we were kidless, we witnessed a number of total meltdowns (by birthdays kids and/or their guests) during the gift opening. We swore off the whole practice.

If you are going to open gifts, have a plan. Can your kid handle watching guests play with their new things first? If not, how can you shuttle the gifts away without the guest kids feeling deprived? If something needs to be returned how can you get it out of the way? Does your child know how to respond when opening a gift they do not like?

For us, it's far easier to ignore the whole issue with our young son. It also allows us to have large parties without people questioning our motives.

We want our kids to see the party as a gift in itself.

(for the longer explanation, see my earlier blog post:
http://babytoolkit.blogspot.com/2009/05/presence-not-presents-why-we-throw-no.html)

posted by adrienne on August 27th 2009 at 9:39pm
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"It's never appropriate to open gifts in front of a whole party."

Try telling that to a 5-year-old who has looked forward to her birthday party all year long.

posted by jenmaselli on August 27th 2009 at 10:03pm
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i think it is appropriate to open the gifts. Make the people feel like their gift was appreciated.

posted by Icanmakeit on August 27th 2009 at 10:26pm
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I agree with most of the comments here:
1. Go with the flow of your party, if people head out before the presents are opened, so be it (those who want to see the gifts opened will hang out)
2. Most people put a lot of thought into gifts (esp a first bday!) and would love to see other people appreciate that by opening the gift in front of them (I know I do! Especially when its something I've handmade) Isn't that half the fun of giving a gift? Seeing the reaction?
And lastly (and obviously this doesn't apply to the one year old party!) I think when you're kids are older (3-4 and up) its an opportunity for them to learn really important lessons about being gracious and being grateful (I know some adults who STILL don't know how to accept a gift graciously!)

posted by mrslaurenleigh on August 27th 2009 at 11:34pm
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we didnt make our kid sit there. half the gifts were clothes and we the parents were thrilled but our son could have cared less. so we let him play with some of the kids and toys while we opened them. he came and checked on us to make sure he wasnt missing out on TOYS!!! i voted hot. guest want to see us open them.

posted by jackied302 on August 28th 2009 at 8:17am
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when my daughter turned one we did get gifts and she did open them at the party...looking at the video we took it must have ben a bad idea !everyone looked bored and it took forever!! She is turning four soon and we are requesting no gifts instead we are asking that guests bring a canned good to donate to the local food bank (she has too many toys as is and we are a bit picky sometimes so i think this may be best?) She has been to several parties and only one requested a gift all the other requested donations of sorts to charities or boys and girls club book donations.

posted by adrienneK on August 28th 2009 at 9:00am
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I'm from Denmark, and i have never, ever been to a party without seeing the gifts being opend, not even a wedding. It is just part of the party. And a childs b-day without presents !!! I can't even imagine. I think my friends and family would find i very strange, if my son was not allowed to open his presents infront of them.

posted by Janni Jo on August 28th 2009 at 9:29am
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I admit, when I go to a kid's birthday party, and they don't open presents, I'm disappointed. I like to see that! But at my boys' first birthday, we didn't. Only because there wasn't time, and with three of them, it was just SO MANY toys. It would have taken forever. (And no matter that you tell people not to bring presents, or to bring one for all three to share, they like to bring three, so what can you do?)

posted by pyjammy on August 28th 2009 at 9:30am
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I have 2 little ones, and we stopped opening gifts at birthday parties after one of my son's friends had a meltdown over the new toys. It's boring for kids to watch someone else open gifts! Plus I really think the focus at a party needs to be on your time together and celebrating, not the materialistic vibe that comes from seeing a pile of loot.

Of course, that's just me and my family. Other people do it differently. But as a parent, I don't enjoy attending parties where you spend half an hour or more sitting around watching the birthday child open gifts. I'd rather get a thank you note later!

posted by haus on August 28th 2009 at 10:36am
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I definitely don't agree with the idea of opening gifts for any age kids.
1. its boring for the guests
2. kids generally can not control their emotions - so it can get embarassing.
3. what if there are duplicates or if soembody has given soemthing that doesn't match the general gifts but is still as good or special?
a personal thank you note is much better. and yes all of recycle gifts (esp if its soemthing your child will not play with but is still avery good toy or book)???
I am sure that time can be used much better at the party

posted by Archie29 on August 28th 2009 at 11:19am
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this is a tough one! i agree that it all depends on the situation, flow of the party, birthday child, etc.

personally, we don't open gifts, but now that ds is 4, i think we will from now on.

up to now, though, we compensate by making personalized thank you cards; we take pics of ds opening each gift, then using/wearing/playing with it, then incorporate those pictures somehow in the card.

http://howaboutcookie.wordpress.com

posted by selena on August 28th 2009 at 12:27pm
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my sister, brother, and i were never allowed to open presents in front of all the guests when we were growing up, mostly because my mother thought it was inappropriate for some of the reasons mentioned above. also, she didn't want people comparing gifts. we always wrote thank-you notes promptly after the party. usually, after the guests left, we opened presents with any family members who were at the party, including cousins around our age, so there were still people around, just not our friends. my son is only 4 months old so we have awhile before we have to deal with this, but i will probably do what my mother did, and for the same reasons. no one wants to feel that their gift is inferior or disliked.

posted by neenotchka on August 28th 2009 at 12:41pm
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Watching the kid eat cake and open presents is the whole point of the first birthday party. duh.

I have never, never, never been to a child's birthday party where they did not open the presents.

posted by heatherme on August 28th 2009 at 1:00pm
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Surprisingly, I find most people do expect to open them right then and there and so I think you should for their enjoyment of the party too - after all, you want your guests to have fun too. But as I would prefer to not get any in the first place, I have found adding this to the bottom of my invitations works almost 100% of the time:

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE NO GIFTS.
CHILD will be getting gifts from us and family and we are really trying to keep it simple in this household. We only want the pleasure of your company to celebrate his/her birthday and to play and have a fun afternoon!

posted by Si on August 28th 2009 at 8:53pm
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No! No! No! First off I'd like to say that the company alone should be the gift. I personally think it's tacky to open gifts in front of guests for many different reasons. The birthday child may not be interested in a gift someone gave him and may feel compelled to express his dislike. Second, why the heck would you want to bore all the guests and finally-we have to show our children that the reason for having everyone get together is not to receive birthday gifts but to have them share in the glorious occassion of celebrating yet another year of his life.

posted by momof3andluvit on August 29th 2009 at 2:11am
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My son just had his first birthday. We opened gifts on the day of his actual birthday, because it was only two close family members and us. The day of his party, thank yous were given out and the gifts stashed away. We opened them later that night after the party was over. I personally don't like opening presents at the party, and I hope we can continue like this for further birthdays.

On the thank you card note, I'd like to send thank you cards, but they would only be for my husband's family (98% of the guests at the party), and the last time I sent out thank you cards (for newborn gifts) they looked at me like I was crazy. That is not a custom where they come from. So I just sent thank you email to the only non-family guest.

posted by theplumathree on August 29th 2009 at 8:33am
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Sounds like one should open gifts when the situation calls for it and do not... when it doesn't.

Sounds like a pretty personal decision to me. I vote both!

posted by hjalbers on August 29th 2009 at 12:45pm
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I would love to NOT open presents, but it seems to be a BIG part of the party in my husband's family. I have tried to not open presents, but the guests complain and keep asking when they are going to be opened.

Unfortunately, the bigger kids feel it is their job to 'help' the birthday child, IE: by opening the presents, holding them up for photos and snatching them away and shoving the next one in the poor birthday child's lap. My daughter is usually too overwhelmed by older children swarming her to even know what is going on, and then she is upset that someone else is making all the decisions for her. She is turning 3 soon and I am agonizing over what to do about it. When I was a kid, we all sat quietly and waited for the birthday kid or his/her mom to handle presents if they were opened at the party.

For those of you opening presents, do you have a method of 'crowd control'?

posted by hs on September 1st 2009 at 1:48pm
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