Me Tarzan, you Jane. Dr. Harvey Karp, author of the best-selling The Happiest Toddler on the Block is back and he’s gone up an age group to tackle the behavioral issues of toddlers. In his newest book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Karp compares the toddler brain to that of primitive cavemen and advises parents to think and, sometimes, talk like a toddler.
No matter how much you love them, a willful, tantrum-prone toddler can be extremely frustrating and, as Dr. Karp notes, can create a “vulnerable situation for abuse.” The key, he says, is learning to communicate with your little caveman or cavewoman. “All of us get more primitive when we get upset, that’s why they call it ‘going ape…But toddlers start out primitive, so when they get upset, they go Jurassic on you.”
One of Karp’s main strategies is “active listening.” Instead of trying to reason with your child when he or she demands a cookie (“I want it. I want it. I want cookie now.”) by explaining that it will spoil their dinner or telling them that carrots are healthier, Karp suggests kneeling down at their level and mimicking their line of thought, “You want. You want. You want cookie. You say, ‘Cookie, now. Cookie now.'” By acknowledging that you hear and understand their wants, toddlers will usually calm down enough to bring reasoning into the equation.
Many of our friends successfully implemented Dr. Karp’s 5 S’s for newborns and will surely be looking forward to this follow-up for their toddlers. What do you think? Even if it works, will you be embarrassed to use Tarzan-speak in public?
Read the Times article here.
(Image by Nola Lopez for the New York Times.)
© 2009 Apartment Therapy
I really disliked this book. I was already speaking in short sentences to my son when I mean business, like "No touch!" Nothing insightful, IMHO..and I don't know much about child development. I found this book to be very light on information regarding toddlers. I much prefer the Toddler 411 book. I felt as though I paid $25 for Dr. Karp to point out the obvious.
view molly_DC's profile
I'm confused. Hasn't this book been out for ages?
view knitting_baby's profile
I watched the video version where it shows Karp using his methods.
Not only would I be extraordinarily embarrassed to use this method, I'm embarrassed watching other adults use it.
Seriously, even if it works, there has to be a better way.
view adrienne's profile
Adrienne: heh. :)
A friend loaned us Happiest Toddler, and it sits on my shelves alongside all the other parenting books people have given me that I don't read. I did glance through it once, and gleaned the tip about repeating your toddler's concern back to him or her, which kind of makes sense, but I just couldn't do it in the way Karp recommends.
My husband and I did find, though, that doing this in a normal adult voice got pretty good results. If Sam was freaking out because, say, he didn't want to get dressed, we'd just say something like, "I know you don't want to get dressed right now. I know you want to stay in your pajamas and play." And we'd repeat this a few times, but then explain to him why he had to get dressed. It worked a fair bit of the time, but not always. Frankly, I'm suspicious of any of these books that offer foolproof, 100% effective solutions. Sometimes kids just need to freak out and learn to get over things on their own, without having their hand held.
view TammyE's profile
I read it.
My husband and I always categorize our doctors into 2 groups. Those we'd go out for a beer with and those we wouldn't.
Karp No Beer, No beer Karp. No beer, beer NO!
view paperdollsforboys's profile