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Blogging The Today Show: Mom Lets 9-year-old Take Subway Home Alone

 2008-04-04-todayshow.jpg

Parting his mother's company at Bloomingdales and equipped with a MetroCard, a map, $20 and a few quarters, 9-year old Izzy Skenazy took the subway and bus by himself to get home. Gasp! Or so many people reacted when his mother, Lenore Skenazy, wrote about his adventure in her New York Sun column after finally relenting to Izzy's incessant nagging for this taste of independence.

Sometimes we see kids on the subway and wonder if they're old enough to get safely where they're going, but we're often reminded of the stories, told with much pride, by our native New Yorker friends of their early solo subway rides (one friend from the Rockaways no less!).

Not surprisingly Lenore Skenazy's column sparked some criticism about whether letting her son use public transportation alone was safe and it opens up a more general discussion about kids, their independence, letting go, and fear-based parenting. Skenazy compared her son's "daring" subway/bus trip to 'Boy boils egg' - a not very extraordinary event and she laments that parents have been "brainwashed" by the sad, tragic, but still exceptional stories of bad things that happen to children. She insists New York is a safe place for kids and that the rewards for kids having some independence outweigh the risks.

Half the people I've told this episode to now want to turn me in for child abuse. As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It's not. It's debilitating — for us and for them.

You can see Izzy and Lenore's appearance on The Today Show here and read her Sun column here.

In contrast to Izzy's urban experience, this story reminds us of Richard Louv's arguments against overprotective parenting (which he sees as one factor in kids' disconnect from nature) in Last Child in the Woods.

What do you think? Do you fall in the "better safe than sorry" camp or are you all for giving your kids a taste of independence?

Comments (31)

Good for her. I had that kind of freedom when I was younger and I'm now a very confident, capable woman. I hope that I'll be strong enough to give my son the same liberties. (And that I don't fall into "the world was different then" thinking.)

posted by caitlen315 on 2008-04-04 15:26:11
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Heck ya! (of course we'll see when my toddler wants to try)....

My parents sent me to Venezuela at 16 to see friends--where I was promptly greeted by police with automatic rifles--it's good for kids to get out a little!

posted by goonie on 2008-04-04 16:02:56
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I say good for her too. I also had that kind of freedom. Why are parents judgmental of other parents? Why are parents so afraid to let their kids live. Let them see what is out there in this big bad world. Are kids will fail, they will get hurt and they will then learn how to survive. We do not own our children we guild them. Give your children those liberties and they will thrive.

posted by obdimples on 2008-04-04 16:05:05
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I'm all for independence but I think 9 years old is still a bit young. I grew up in the city but I didn't take the subway to school by myself until I was 14.

posted by mstina on 2008-04-04 16:08:18
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He's a bright kid and his mom trusted him to get home on his own. You treat every kid differently based on their interests and intellect. Maybe she just inspired him to be the next Rick Steves? The world just isn't that scary or mean, especially to kids. In fact, when I was nine years old the kids on the playground making fun of me did a whole lot more damage than strangers ever did in my whole life.

posted by Oven Mitzie on 2008-04-04 16:38:47
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Independence all the way!

Heck, I remember summers as a kid, past 10 or so, when my mom would lock us out with a stern warning not to come back inside until lunch. And after lunch, we didn't come back in until dinner. We drank from the hose, ran around the neighborhood using our imaginations and making up games, we went to the candy store halfway across town, unaccompanied.

So many of the things our parents let us do would get them put under the eye of DCFS these days... And I think that's a sad thing. Our independence made us into the self-sufficient, confident adults we are today. I feel sorry for kids who aren't allowed to, or can't be virtue of circumstance, roam.

posted by muirne81 on 2008-04-04 16:40:22
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I've been wondering about a similar thing lately. I work downtown now and would like my 15 year old to be able to take the Metra from our home not too far out in the 'burbs to meet me in the summer. She's very diligent, smart, and has been flying alone for years. It's a hurdle and I wonder if I'm over thinking it or if other 15 year olds get around town on their own. I wasn't raised where we had access to mass transit, so I just don't know. What do you think?

posted by pxlchk1 on 2008-04-04 16:55:57
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1. I think 9 is too young.
2. I wonder if she would have allowed this with a daughter.
3. I wonder if she would have allowed this if it wasn't also "material".

And I don't mean any of that in a snarky way. I really am curious. In the pro/con list she probably ran thru in her head, she had a pro that I wouldn't have in my list (pretty good story idea).

I grew up with all sorts of freedom, but I don't think I'd allow my 3rd grader ride home on the subway alone. Just last year some dude exposed himself to her when I was sitting right there. No, not yet.

posted by Julianna on 2008-04-04 17:02:10
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I grew up in Maine, so it was a bit different from NYC (where I now live with a toddler), but my parents used to send me to visit my aunt in Rhode Island by myself. I took the bus and had to transfer at least once that I recall. I was always admonished to sit in the front seat and let the bus driver know where I was going and that I was by myself, but otherwise I was on my own. I never came to a bit of trouble.

I agree that it comes down to the kid. A neighbor of mine is worried about his daughter taking the subway to high school this fall - not because of her age but because she tends to have her head in the clouds and he's worried she'll be reading a book or daydreaming and will miss her stop.

posted by phoneill on 2008-04-04 17:02:58
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When I was in preschool I knew how to take the PATH to meet my dad at his work in Jersey and we'd go back home to NYC. I was accompanied by my mom, of course. Kids should learn basic things like how to get back home, just in case.

I would rather have that kind of independence as a kid than these adults I see in the Metro looking like little lost puppies, because it's their first time taking the train.

posted by kbittner on 2008-04-04 17:24:05
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Why is this news?
I rode the bus to school alone at 6, and rode my bike to school with two other girls at 9. The second school was in downtown Oakland, next door to a very rough high school.

One of the reasons I chose to raise my daughter in the city was that she'd be able to get around on her own, and not have to rely on me to drive her places.

She's only 3, so she's not getting on the bus by herself just yet, but I fully intend to put her on the yellow school bus the first day of kindergarten, and let her ride the public bus somewhere between 7 and 9. Of course, I live in Seattle, not NYC, but still. The kid is 9! I was babysitting at 10.

posted by Buphie on 2008-04-04 18:25:08
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Good for her! Kids need a little responsibility - they rise to the challenge, given the chance. My parents used to stress about situations like this, but I relished it.

posted by inkstainedwriter on 2008-04-04 20:30:17
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I've never lived in NYC so I can't compare how things are vs. where we live. With that said, I would never let our kids go out alone when they're only 9. That's too young. It's a scary world out there and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to our children because I was not there with them.

posted by MintC on 2008-04-04 23:54:12
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I grew up with the opposite -- we moved to downtown Buffalo when I was in kindergarten -- and my mother freaked every time I left the apartment on my own -- basically, it was instilled in me that the outside is a very dangerous place.

Unfortunately, it stuck.

Doesn't matter that we moved somewhere lovely and safe by the time I was in third grade, that I was an overly responsible kid (babysitting by the third grade)... it is part of my core, and I have been fighting it my entire life. I am definitely not an explorer, something that my husband constantly bemoans.

I applaud that mother for realizing the dangers of not letting go, and allowing her son to set his own pace. Having grown up taking the subway, he was comfortable with it, so I don't see that it was so risky. Plus, it was a weekend afternoon, a very safe time to try it.

posted by monika1 on 2008-04-05 04:36:22
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I also, grew up with the opposite. In fact my mother, would not let me play in the backyard without supervision! As full on as it sounds, she truly had the best intentions.

As a child, I must admit I was freaked out, about the thought of murderers, kidnappers & rapists.

But as soon as I hit my teens, that all pretty much disappeared. I started travelling the world alone at 17 and now at 28, I have not stopped exploring. I have visited every continent in the world. So Monika1, I think it's more your personality than the way you were raised. But, that is just my opinion.

I can honestly say that I am not afraid of anything, BUT, I still do take the "better be safe then sorry" method. E.g, I don't walk alone in a dark alley by myself, if I go into an empty carpark at night, I have my keys ready and try as much as I can to make sure the coast is clear, and I also like having security in my home (bars, shutters or an alarm system).

I live everyday without the fear of things happening, but I try and make the most sensible decisions when I can.

That's exactly the way I plan to raise my kids.

posted by S.A.M on 2008-04-05 10:14:42
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Eh. I think 9 is a little young. I grew up in NYC, and rode the subway and bus alone (or with friends) from age 11. My almost 8 year old would love to roam our neighborhood now (in Texas) with his friends or alone, but I'm not ready yet.

posted by tifi on 2008-04-05 14:37:21
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All that pride would vanish if the boy never came home. Why do we want our kids to grow up so fast? Little girls in short skirts and makeup in elementary school, girls pregnant at 11 yrs old and...well I'll could go on for days.

posted by Lizzykewl on 2008-04-05 16:46:21
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I agree Lizzy....Do any of you posters even have kids?? Do you ever read the papers or pay attention to the news? Back in the 70's when most of us were kids they still had mandatory institutionalization for the insane so Yes, when I was a kid I roamed in the woods and walked to the penny candy store. Today no way.

posted by labchick on 2008-04-05 18:58:33
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"Do any of you posters even have kids??"

I do. 2 daughters. And I'll tell you, I was 16 when I learned to ride the subways in NYC and as a mother of a 15 year old I would not put her on there alone. Not because I don't trust her. She's a very smart and diligent girl. I don't trust the other people on there. There are some pretty predatory and opportunistic people out there. As another poster said, it would be all good until she didn't come home. I'd never be able to live with myself.

posted by pxlchk1 on 2008-04-06 00:06:57
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Gee, who would have thought riding public transport alone would be so highly correlated with early sexualisation of pre-teen girls. I'm so glad I had a low-income upbringing where I had no CHOICE, unlike these twats who hire babysitters to make breakfast and drop their children off to school because they have to leave a little early (totally real assignments, a friend works for a babysitting agency).
The class implications of this sort of discourse make me sick. Yeah and the stupid crap about make-up.

posted by Rayna on 2008-04-07 07:52:39
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Are all the commuters on the subway really going to hurt your kids? I think the people that are anti this are "cab people" and probably afraid of public transportation.

I was riding the train to school and all around the city myself as an 11 year old girl. And no, this wasn't the seventies, this was the 90s. If you aren't an idiot, New York is very safe purely because of all the people around all the time. If you can't let your kid learn to make safe choices, what will you do when they go to college and are not armed with any common sense experience?

posted by lz256 on 2008-04-07 10:32:49
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I do think 9 is a bit young and I suspect that she may not have allowed it for a girl. How far was this really, was it a direct trip?

I rode my first public bus at age 20, and was completely lost(country girl). I would expect kids to be riding transit alone by 12/13, also what i considder home alone age, and babysitting age. But who knows, maybe growing up in the city will grow percocious navigators.

posted by DahliaCactus on 2008-04-07 11:14:57
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my parents were bus drivers in los angeles in the 80s. They would often get kids as young as 5 riding the bus alone. My parents took special care of these kids, because they knew that a parent would have to be real hard up to put a kindergartener on a bus by themselves. I started using the Metro at 12 alone. I've been lost, felt up, physically and verbally threatend, but I would never trade that experience for anything. My brothers started taking the bus home from school when they were in 5th and 7th grade. It builds character, self reliance and gives them a whole new outlook on the city.

posted by chusmabilly on 2008-04-07 13:02:34
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Well, I lived in a community where there was a state mental institution and in the Regan years they released all the patients, so I can say that labchick's assessment is not entirely accurate. I wandered fairly freely from the time I was 8-10 within a couple mile radius of my parents house. We walked to school on our own from the time we were in 1st grade. This was in a town of 30,000. When my friends and I got home from school, there was rarely a parent at home and we had no problems with that. We all had bikes and went pretty much anywhere we wanted.

Also, I lived in Tokyo when I was 10 and rode the subway wherever I wanted. That was a wonderful experience.

posted by sciencegeek on 2008-04-07 19:06:07
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A child can be snatched out of your home, a restaurant, a shopping mall, a public restroom -- even if you are just feet away. If your child is ready, you encourage them to move forward and test the waters of their own independence.

posted by TaraGL on 2008-04-08 11:20:49
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Some kids near my neighborhood catch the school bus on the corner two or three houses down from where they live, and their mothers walk them down and wait with them until the bus comes. I'd much rather be that 9 year old on the subway than those suburban kids with their mothers. I can't imagine how much I would have hated growing up without ever being out of eyesight of an adult.

And yes, I am a parent.

posted by Shawn on 2008-04-08 16:28:59
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I am the parent of an almost 9 year old girl in San Francisco.

I grew up in a small NorCal town where my brother and I were free to ride our bikes anywhere on our side of Main Street. We couldn't cross Main because it was also a highway. We were latchkey kids from the time I was in 2nd grade on (he was in 6th). At my grandparents' house where I kept my pony I was allowed to ride the logging roads and deer trails all day alone from when I was 7. (I still ride and now I think that's crazy considering how many times I got dumped while in the woods! haha)

While I would love to have my daughter ride MUNI to school on her own - stops are only a block from our house and her school - I just don't trust *HER* yet. Her first day on a school bus she got off at the wrong stop - luckily it was near another school that took her in until I could run out from downtown in a panic.

Also, I heard that kids have to be 10 to be left home alone (ever?) so it makes sense that solo bus rides should also have that same age threshold.

I'm ultimately forced to always err on the side of "better safe" due to the sometimes contentious relationship I have with her dad - and I can't provide any ammo should he decide to fight for custody. But I do look forward to the day soon when she can start to have some independence. She's definitely the kind of kid that will do better without an adult nipping at her heels all the time.

SIGH... life in the Big City, eh?

posted by AvenueFog on 2008-04-09 16:33:32
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Okay, firstly I have to comment that the people who are talking about their independence in reference to places that aren't NYC can't really say anything. NYC isn't Seattle or any other place. I should know, I grew up there. Not that long ago either (I'm nineteen now) and I have to say, nine? Way too young to take the subway. I wasn't even allowed to walk home the THREE BLOCKS from my school to my house by myself at nine. And I lived in a good neighborhood. I wasn't allowed to come home by myself until I was thirteen. New York is dangerous. It's not about how "with it" a nine-year-old is, it's about other people. You can never be too careful.

posted by Larissa89 on 2008-05-03 09:46:38
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I've lived in NYC since the seventies when things were a lot hairier than they are now, and I let my daughter use public transportation. She went to school by public bus from the second grade on. I'm not sure when she started taking the subway alone, but what this woman let her kid do was not at all reckless, in my opinion.

City kids learn to be savvy and alert in crowds in a way people in the suburbs or rural areas never do. I was glad I lived here when my daughter reached middle school, because she could go places after school without having to be driven around. And, of course, when she hit high school, there was no anxiety that she would be in a car with a driver who was drinking, because she was either on a bus, a subway or in a taxi.

posted by womanuptown on 2008-05-07 22:29:51
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I grew up in NYC and was taking public transportation(bus/subway) by myself by the time i was 9. I don't see what the big deal is....

posted by Bridget212323 on 2008-05-09 12:52:57
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Um, I live in NYC right now and see nine-year-olds alone on the subway every morning. NYC is a lot different/ homogenized/ safer than people tend to think. It really is like letting your child on the public bus anywhere else. There's also the lovely trend of "overparenting" written about right now, where the risk for some children is removed from EVERYTHING - all the corners are padded, all the bad guys erased from comic books, movies... that's not real life, and it's awful to release a totally censored child into a whole other world at 18. Prepare your kids, yes, but prepare them intelligently. Letting you child walk home down dimly lit abandoned streets? No. Taking public transport where there are people around, undercover police and plenty of station agents, in case anything goes wrong? Perfectly ok.

posted by lolaSea on 2008-05-12 11:11:14
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