When we saw the article headline Do Parents Matter? our eyes and brain came to a screeching halt. "Well I should hope so!" we thought. The article was an interview with Judith Rich Harris, author of the (recently revised and updated) book, The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out The Way They Do. Her controversial thesis is that children's behavior may be more closely related to their peer group than to your parenting. This was a disheartening thought until we realized, "Heck, I'm not to blame!"
Harris questions our long-held assumption that parents are the primary shapers of their kids' personalities, development and behavior. Her attempts to dismantle what she considered "deeply flawed" scientific studies to this effect were roundly critiqued by psychologists when the book was first published in 1998, but she hasn't given up her argument that children may be most influenced by the socialization power of their same-sex peers and even by their teachers.
Intrigued? You can read the full interview with Harris on the blog of Scientific America. Here's a link to her book.
(photo right by CeeKay, photo left by Waechor both via Flickr)
That woman is so full of her own crap it's ridiculous.
I know that's not a very intelligent answer to what she proposes, but there are so many things that she fails to mention, or things that she does mention that have giant gaping holes in them.
I've never been a big fan of what she has to say!
view BuddhaBellysMum's profile
It's an interesting theory, I will say, and a lot of that line of thinking seems influenced by observations of nonhuman primates. But let's say her theory is true. It doesn't let parents off the hook or whatever; the "problem" just becomes the parents' responsibility to find the "right" peer groups/social outlets and teachers for their kids, and good parents try to do that already by (1) avoiding problem schools/areas and (2) finding better socialization opportunities for their children. We don't raise kids in a vacuum.
view stickyricemama's profile
I haven't read her research but based on what you've shared, it's not entirely far fetched. A child who is in school spends the majority of their day around people other than their parents. And for parents who work full time there is really a small window of time to have leisure time with their kids. But like stickyricemama said parents are still not off the hook.
It would also be really ignorant of parents to assume they're the only influence. If you're making the right choices (schools, community, socialization opportunities, etc.) then you are hoping you are exposing your child to positive influences. We as parents don't have all the answers so we should hope our kids will learn from others as well.
view MamaHeartsBaby's profile
great intriguing post. no question that peer groups matter. so do siblings. but there's also no question that a great parent really matters.
i agree with stickyricemama. great parents often have some influence on their child's peer group.
interested to read more, and get to know her background after buddhabellysmum's comment.
view AmberLee's profile
Interesting post; thanks for the link. I'd add to stickyricemama's list one more way that parents shape their children's peer group -- by teaching their children to recognize and develop healthy relationships. After all, kids make a lot of decisions for themselves, by themselves, especially as they get older, and part of parenting (I think? I'm still new at this...) is giving them tools to make their own choices.
view lizzapearl's profile
I wonder if parents are more influential when the families move a lot, since then they're the one constant.
view tasterspoon's profile
Huge argument in favour of homeschooling
view Sofia's profile