apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

My 1.5 year old son and I go to a play date almost every morning. We belong to a mom's group that thankfully is mostly catty-free and open-minded. Of course we get along with some moms and kids better than others and of course it's hard to keep opinions to ourselves at times, but we do the best we can and genuinely enjoy each other's company. I would go stark raving madd without these wonderful women in my life.

I think it's harder to do it when you're not part of group. There's so much social pressure, and of course the thought of putting time into a relationship that might ultimately fizzle out or not meet expectations is daunting. I've found that within a group, people come and go and relationships are struck over time and familiarity. There's no one way of doing things, but for me as an introvert my mom's group has been an incredible resource.

I made a bunch of new mom friends after having my first son, and coincidentally, we all had our second children at about the same time three years later. We get together at each others' houses - sometimes in small groups, sometimes en masse - and we've all agreed to never EVER refer to our get-togethers as "play dates". :)

i think that casual meet-ups at park are the perfect speed for young children. you and/or your child will know when you've come across someone that you'd like to open your home (and life) too. its a big step and one that should feel natural and comfortable. if it doesn't, then don't. your children can sense all of that stuff and THAT is what I think makes for awkward and difficult playdates.

i read that article this weekend and the whole thing was sort of shocking to me...i've never had such an experience with a playdate! maybe my daughter is too young and so all of our play dates are with friends, or maybe i'm just lucky. the whole article was a little nerve wracking about what the future holds...

j
http://prudentadviceformybabydaughter.blogspot.com

i guess if i were new to an area or didn't have any friends with kids nearby i would try a mom's group or more random playdates, because getting together with another mom to drink a latte, chat and let the kids burn off some energy together is critical to my happiness... but i have to admit that i am not the kind of person that is interested in "mom groups" or spending time getting to know new people at this point. in fact, it sounds like torture (for me, i'm sure my daughter would love it). i am lucky to have some great like-minded friends around with kids the same age as my daughter (and son-to-be).

I joined a moms group when my husband and I moved to L.A. from Hawaii. L.A. was such a HUGE place that after we had our son, I needed to make some new friends that had kids! My son is now two and I've been hanging out with a group of gals since our kids were about 4 months old and I can tell you now, I don't know how I would have survived being a new mom in a new big city without them! I'm lucky to have not been in a catty situation yet within the group, but that might be why we've gravitated towards each other....we're not those kinds of women. If you feel like you're being preached to, or getting the catty-vibe, just move on to another group....eventually you'll find your match! It really does help you keep your sanity, though, when you have others to talk to that are in the same boat as yourself and it's a great, nurturing, playful environment for your kids too!!

Who is that gorgeous woman on the left? She doesn't look old enough to be that baby's mom. Must be his babysitter.

I too have had a great experience joining a moms club. They get a bad rap, but I think when you join when your kids our newborns, when moms are their most needy and open-minded, you can form good friendships. It's not always perfect, but it beats sitting at home alone with your child.

I have a mixed experience, it can feel like high school all over again. A lot of competing parenting philosophy... but it sure helps with the isolation of maternity leave for those lucky enough to get it!

If you really want to know playground politics just ask nannies and pre-school teachers.

that is terrifying! thank goodness for minnesota-nice.

"Who is that gorgeous woman on the left? She doesn't look old enough to be that baby's mom. Must be his babysitter."

i don't get it . . . are you the gorgeous woman on the left? i don't see why she couldn't be a mother.

I don't know how one would survive the toddler years without playdates. I'm not a super social person-- more of an introvert-- but I would have gone nuts if my sole daily interaction would have been with my toddler.

Before I had a kid, most of my friends were artists like me. Thanks to the mommy-world , I have a lot of diverse friends from playdates, mom groups and other mom meet-ups. It's been challenging for me, but I've learned helpful parenting skills and met dear friends.

Sure, the downside is that you might end up spending an awkward morning with a mom that you don't have much in common with. But is that actually THAT horrible? What are people so scared of? Shake off the high school insecurities and get out there.