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Parenting Blog Roundup: Giving Up on Family Dinners
Week of 09.24.2009

092409-parenting-blog.jpgIn a guest post on The New York Times' Motherlode blog, freelance writer Leah Ariniello confesses that she recently, and guiltily, made the decision to forgo stressful family dinners in favor of one meal for her kids and a later meal for herself and her husband. More dinnertime shenanigans from around the blogosphere -- from breakfast-making preschoolers to using dessert as a bribe -- after the jump...

 
 

Giving Up on Family Dinners: Says NY Times Motherlode guest blogger Leah Ariniello, "I’ve tried this whole shared meal business before and once again I feel defeated. And once again, I decide to go back to essentially having two dinners, one for my kids and then one with my husband when he gets home later in the evening."

The Secret Ingredient Is Pectin: Julie at A Little Pregnant hasn't given up on the family dinner. Her secret: using dessert to encourage good behavior. She tells the hilarious story of what happened the first time she was forced to withhold an after-dinner treat.

Age-Appropriate Children's Chores: Can your four-year-old make her own breakfast cereal? Does your teenager cook simple meals for your family? Type A Mom Lisa Hallas provides lists of household jobs for kids from two-year-olds to teenagers.

Also on the food front, we're excited to announce two new cookbooks coming out of two of our favorite parenting blogs:

Hugh Garvey and Matthew Yeomans, the dads behind Gastrokid, have just released The Gastrokid Cookbook: Feeding a Foodie Family in a Fast-Food World. (Find it here on Amazon.)

And the Pioneer Woman (aka Ree Drummond) has written a cookbook of her own, The Pioneer Woman Cooks, which is now available for pre-order.

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Parenting, meal time, mealtime, meal time

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Comments (8)

"Giving up on Family Dinners" is just that--Giving up.

Seriously, how hard have these people tried? These also tend to be the people who give up on breastfeeding ("I don't make enough milk," "He weaned himself at 6 months," "I just couldn't figure it out") and give up on potty training, and give up on disciplining their children. So I'm not at all surprised that they can't handle a meal with their children. It is hard work, and messy, and lots of complaining at times, but it's another aspect of parenting that we all have to work on. I see these kids at restaurants with terrible manners (NO manners) because they have not been taught how to behave at a table with other people and adults.

I feel sorry for all of these children. Some will become obese in their teens as well. And it's been studied to no end about the positive effects on childrens' relationships with their parents/adults as a result of having frequent conversations at the dinner table.

So let your nannys read this post and discuss it with your children while you are at work all day. I mean what child is going to listen to someone they only see on the weekends and maybe a bit at night? I don't blame them--I blame you.

posted by burnttoast on September 25th 2009 at 4:45pm
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Wow lollipop - what on earth are you doing out at restaurants judging other people's children when you could be at home fine-tuning your self-righteousness? Seriously though, I agree that parents shouldn't give up on things as soon as the going gets tough, but as a mother whose child DID wean themselves at six months, I truly feel that persevering with something that just makes everyone involved miserable does not a happy household make.

posted by Teacup1 on September 25th 2009 at 8:39pm
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And Lollipop, there is something called not making enough milk too. I happen to have that condition. I breast fed my child through pumping 7 times in a day for 7 months, in addition to the formula because she would not latch as there was not enough milk.
I thought people like you only existed in magazines or something. I am a stay at home mother. But I totally feel for the parents who have to go out to work. And they should if they chose to, need or need. Who are we to judge. Who are you to judge?

posted by momonflight on September 25th 2009 at 11:41pm
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I'm confused as to how these people have seven year olds that can't eat dinner pleasantly without pitching a fit or landing on the floor, and who's reaction is to just give up on it instead of enforcing a system of rules.

Do they plan for the kid to learn that in college from their peers or what?

Forget eating dinner with the family every night how do they plan to take them anywhere, ever, until they can eat dinner without screaming at home?

posted by JosieDaisy on September 26th 2009 at 12:54am
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Thanks JosieDaisy, for your comments. We share the same beliefs in this arena...
And just to comment on Teacup1 and momonflight's posts--I'm sorry but your 6month old did not wean himself--that's just absurd. It's called a "nursing strike" and is VERY common at that age when babies start to notice everything around them, get distracted during breastfeeding etc. They can completely stop nursing for 2 days but take a bottle then go back to nursing if the proper steps are taken...and momonflight--I truly believe you could have made enough milk and had your baby latch on properly if the proper steps were taken as well. I don't know your situation, but I've heard those words far too often in the absence of a well trained lactation consultant--and they are not all created equally either. Pumping 7 times a day alone is NOT the answer. I'm sorry both of you did not have the proper guidance.

posted by burnttoast on September 27th 2009 at 4:30pm
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Thanks for the information, Lollipop, I hadn't heard of it termed a "nursing strike" before but I imagine it's common as I know my baby did get much more interested in the world around him when he reached six months! It’s good to be armed with such information if the same thing happens with my next baby. For momonflight’s and my sake though, I do hope that in passing on such information, you are speaking from personal experience and not just repeating what you have been told by others (not that I would wish breast refusal on you, but nothing is worse than hearing the "textbook" answer from someone who has not been through the weeks and weeks of heartbreak themselves). In saying that, this is not an article on breastfeeding but effectively on the tougher aspects of parenting, and knowing when to change something that’s not working, for the sake of a family’s happiness. Leah Ariniello still sits and talks and spends quality time with her children while they eat. I don’t think they need to watch her chewing at the same time in order to reap the positive effects.

posted by Teacup1 on September 28th 2009 at 4:45am
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If you've breastfed your child for 6 months thats more than enough to give them a healthy start in life - don't beat yourself up about it when they start refusing (whether due to weaning or "striking")

However, giving up eating as a family because of the situation she describes in this article has me baffled - would the appearance of a fart joke not be the optimum time to teach your child not to use this kind of language at the dinner table? - I really don't understand the difference between her sitting there with two kids eating and the whole family sitting there eating together

posted by Violetsrose on September 28th 2009 at 6:57am
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I can't imagine giving up family dinners. My daughter is getting close to three, but even at this young age I think dinners together have a major impact on her life. If my husband is out late at work then he gets the separate dinner, not my daughter. She and I still sit down together and I use that as a great time to talk about our day, flip through a picture book, or discuss what we want to do the next day (which always changes come morning!) The same goes for breakfast. Kids like to run and play all day long, I see meal times as perfect opportunities to get a little learning done. Whether that learning is about eachother through conversation or reciting our ABC's or numbers. It helps us feel closer together. It also gives my husband time to talk to her and learn what she did that day since he is at work the whole time she and I are learning about the world together. I wonder how much Leah's husband is missing out on now that he doesn't get that chatting time with his kids.

posted by tirzhaz on September 28th 2009 at 11:14pm
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