Everyone's different, so don't compare, just share. We really liked the responses we received in our first Sleep Camp Post two weeks ago and felt that they helped round out the possible solutions. In an effort to sidestep divisiveness, we want to spotlight two very different stories and open the floor for more. Remember, no judgements. It all helps.
What's your story?
Mjoe - No sleep-training story here. My 3 year old is still in my bed. In 2 weeks, he'll have his own bed in his own room, but I expect that transition to be slow, gradual, and relatively drama-free, just like the transition from nursing on demand to night nursing only,...
the transition from night nursing to nursing to sleep only, the transition from nursing to sleep to going to sleep with his hand on my breast, and the transition from going to lseep with his hand on my breast to going to sleep lying next to me. I am really ready to begin this transition and get my bed back after 3 yrs, but I am also really going to miss our time together at night. I get to listen to his sleeptalking, which is hilarious (this week: surreal knock-knock jokes) and occasionally he wakes up in the middle of the night to mumble "I love you" and give me a kiss. Beat that!
I have had him "cry it out," but only in the last year, when I was sure he could understand I was not abandoning him. The issue was naptime, not bedtime, and he now puts himself to sleep for naps, no problem. To me, it makes all the difference in the world that he was old enough to understand why I was not responding to his cries.
Matilda - We used Weissbluth at an early age and were the envy of all our friends. While I was pregnant I read all the sleep books because I was so terrified of sleep deprivation - I knew it was a necessary evil for a while, but wanted to get back to a regular schedule as soon as possible. We settled on Weissbluth because for us it seemed the cleanest and most simple. I was afraid we wouldn't be able to really be consistent with Ferber.
What I love now is that when my son does cry in the middle of the night, we know that something is really wrong and don't hesistate to go in. This hasn't happened more than 10x since we completely sleep trained, which was over 2 years ago. My son who is almost three knows bedtime is bedtime, and if he isn't ready to go to sleep he plays quite happily in his bed until he gets tired. Then he just goes to sleep.
We came up with our own combo of Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" and Weissbluth.
The latter is best in terms of understading the importance of sleep and what the typical sleep patterns are at each age, from newborns to school-age. (I wouldn't have known newborns are supposed to have their first nap so soon after waking up in the morning.) The Weissbluth book also is good for trouble-shooting.
Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" helped us create the right routines and rituals from the start, so we could avoid having to try more rigid methods.
I tell all my pregnant-for-the-first-time girlfriends to read less about pregnancy and more about newborn care, especially sleep. The best advice I ever got while pregnant: To keep nighttime feedings BORING. No eye contact. No snuggling. No diaper changing. If you're hungry, I'll feed you -- but I won't be giving you an added incentive to get up at 3 a.m.!
view MamaChilanga's profile
This is still going to cause conflict. Even to show different sides... why keep going with this?
view lb's profile
To lb: because as a soon to be new mom, I enjoy reading the different stories and experiences to see what others have gone through. It certainly helps in a number of ways to know what other people have gone through, what mistakes they've made (and that I should avoid) or what triumphs they've had (which I should emulate if possible and reasonable). I've been just as surprised that it caused so much conflict on this board, and have basically learned that there are parents out there that are very sensitive and very combative on certain issues and are not afraid to show their dissent and displeasure. I'll blame it on the natural defensive mechanism that springs up when you become a parent and leave it at that, whether I'm right or wrong.
view paperpusher's profile
As I said in the other post, as a parent-to-be, I find this topic very interesting. I don't see why it needs to cause conflict. One parent chooses to co-sleep, which is a totally valid choice, though it won't be mine, and another is talking about sleep-training. No matter which side you are on, I think mature people can acknowledge that the other side works for some people. I think the key is that your choice is really a CHOICE and not something you do merely to survive otherwise sleepless nights. In order to make the right choice, it seems like it would be good to know about all sides of the issue.
view fiona's profile
I don't mean this to sound snarky, really I don't, I just figure that there are a bazillion sites devoted specifically to parenting issues, where sleep is discussed ad nauseum. I come here to see things like the Waterfall Table, you know?
view lb's profile
I agree in that what I have always liked about this site is that it is really about design and creative solutions to small space living. When the nursery portion was added I jumped for joy! Finally a web blog that deals with small space urban living with kids! It really turns me off to the nursery portion of this site to see parenting advice posted, especially on such a personal approach issue, which is sad because my husband and I have a four year old and have been living in small quarters for ions. I was really hoping to see more creative living, less politics. There are tons of sites that specialize in these issues. This is starting to feel too political to me...
view eli's profile
Really? I don't know where those sites are. Baby Center? Urban Baby? I haven't seen discussions in any of those places (and I despise the anonymous nastiness of Urban Baby). Honestly, the beauty of a message board is that if you don't want to read a thread, you can always just skip it.
view fiona's profile
Fiona, yes, urban baby, baby center, babble, askdrsears, mothering.com, ovusoft etc. all have sleep discussions. I just went to a few and did a search for sleep/sleep training, and threads came up. A google search revealed that iVillage has an entire sleep board. If you have a local parenting listserv or message board for your, it also probably has sleep discussions. HTH.
view lb's profile
Thanks for the tips. Maybe I'm particularly picky because I am an internet person in terms of career, but I don't think any of those sites are very good.
view fiona's profile
The overwhelming majority of posts are still design-related so I'm not sure why some people have a problem. Since the posts are clearly labeled, you can just skip them.
One thing that does bug me is that there's a lot of emphasis on high-end products and not enough, IMO, on the real nuts-and-bolts of raising children in a small space.
view Li's profile