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That is the funniest picture. All the kids are like "are you kidding me with this cake?" Happy Birthday - we thought you might like the scary cake!

I would never make a list for a birthday party, it is very presumptuous. However, there seems to be a lot of people that appreciate knowing what to buy that's just right for a child. So, when our families were demanding (yes demanding) we tell them what to buy for DS we set up a wishlist on amazon with certain books, puzzles or what have you. We didn't send it to anyone. But if someone asked for it specifically, we sent them that way.

wedding registry and baby shower registry were supposed to be to help you complete items you needed for your home and first baby. registering for birthday toys just seems incredibly tacky to me. now if the grandparents or friends ask what they want then yes, tell them.

I've found that maintaining a wish list throughout the year is helpful when it comes holiday/birthday time. My family always sends gifts, but we are very far apart. It helps to keep things age appropriate as well as avoid the embarassing underwear as a gift that happened one year.

Child wish lists just seem indulgent and tacky. I don't care that much if my son doesn't get every toy he wants. He needs to learn that lesson anyway.

wish list = TACKY! We have recycled book swaps for our kids birthdays. Everyone loves it. It reduces clutter and unwanted toys (I think American kids have way too many toys.) We ask everyone to bring a fave book (new or used), wrap it and at the end of the party everyone goes home with a *new* book. As for family who want to give presents (of course!) we look at the themes our child is into and tell them they are really into "under the sea creatures, trains, trees, bugs etc..." During the holidays I let my kids write or tell us what is on their "wish list". It's funny to read, "sparkles, paper, markers, a top..." we take it serious and get them things on their wish list.

Most of my friends and family want ideas & help with gifts so I usually do set up a wish list. I only share it if requested, however. I think it's tacky & presumptuous to automatically include it with a child's invitation, but should be available only when asked.

I don't use formal online wishlists or registries, but I do keep my own list throughout the year, jotting down things that the kids ask for specifically or that I think would make good presents for them come birthday or Christmas time. Then when friends or relatives inquire about what the kids might like I have some ideas to give them. I can't imagine offering up the list unless specfically asked, though.

I make up a list in my notebook, because my daughters' birthdays are just before and just after Christmas, and it's a deluge of presents from mid-December to mid-January. I don't share the list unless someone asks - I only have it in mind/written down in case someone asks. And usually the list is categories of things they'd like (e.g. books, puzzles, dress-up clothes) and not specific items.

I feel overwhelmed with the amount of presents my kids get from friends and family, and I've tried asking for no presents and I've tried asking for donations to charity, and the simple truth is that people like to give gifts.

So, I think a little list, made up of small, not-too-specific gifts (not extravagant gifts) can be very helpful for the people who truly want to buy the right thing for your kids.

I don't think it's ok to include a mention of the wish list on an invitation.

We don't create a list especially for birthday parties, but I do add items my kids have admired or are related to a particular interest they have developed to my Amazon wish list. Most people wouldn't even know, but my father-in-law sincerely appreciates it. He lives out of town, so his chances of picking up on new interests in order to get the kids something they will love are slim.

On the other side of the coin, I frequently find myself shopping for birthday presents for my children's friends with no idea what the child already has, doesn't like, or doesn't need. With close friends, I know what toys are welcome and unwelcome, but with others I have to guess. My mainstay is art supplies since at least I can be sure that the paint and paper they already have will eventually run out, at which point our gift will be useful, and I can't imagine anyone not welcoming art supplies, though I suppose it is possible if the supplies have certain ingredients.

At any rate, I'd welcome a wish list so long as it isn't too in-your-face. I sometimes ask the parents for ideas, and I would be be thrilled if they could direct me to an online wish list at that point. Instead, they usually say, "Oh, anything you think he might like..." I tend to think that if I knew what he might like, I wouldn't have called to ask for ideas.

Oh, and I think that the cake is a character from Melinda Long pirate books. It looks very familiar to me and a lot like Captain Braidbeard minus the hard-to-make-with-icing beard, anyway. :)

Eh, I come from a very proper southern family full of women who whip the word "tacky" around like a dead cat. We do not think that wish lists are tacky IF presented ONLY upon request. We always made them as kids for Christmas to give our parents. This is just the electronic version. It's all in the presentation.

As the gift-giver, I appreciate knowing what the intended recipient would actually like instead of shoving some vague item across the table at them. With kids, the sizes and likes are always a huge hurdle.

Make the wish list, but don't put it in the invitation or send it out to people. THAT is tacky.

BTW, I have received way too may wedding invitations with their registry information enclosed. SUPER tacky.

I know I'm in the minority with what I'm about to say, but I think ALL registries/wish lists and/or mention of gifts in the invite for any occasion are tacky. Etiquette has come to embrace the wedding registry which I grudingly used when I got married, but -- call me old school -- I still find it presumptuous and overly precious.

I also think parents tend to go way overboard on their kids' birthday parties, and this tacky wish-list phenomenon is just an extension of that. The premise is the "wrong" gift would be the end of the world?? No wonder American kids too often have a warped sense of entitlement and no appreciation for the "less is more" way of life. Mama always said: "you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit. You write a nice, prompt thank you note."

I keep an Amazon wish list for my son to keep track of things I'd like to buy him eventually (or check out of the library). It's just a helpful place to keep things straight. I would never register specifically for a birthday party, and I would never advertise the list. But I will let very close friends and family members know that there is a list if they inquire.

i did one for my boys' first birthday, but it was just a list of items in my del.icio.us account that my immediate family could peruse. with triplets, we were getting 3x the gifts (whether we liked it or not) and our families appreciated the guidance.

i think showers are completely different from birthday parties, i think giving out a list is very tacky. i usually make a shopping list for myself because i am forgetful and if someone asks for gift ideas i will give them some ideas- but sending out a list is very presumptuous!!!

I would never keep a wish list for a specific event (like a child's birthday) but I do keep an ongoing universal wish list on amazon. I use it for my convenience but it is there is someone searches for it or asks. I would be offended if someone volunteered their registry or wish list. And I don't like "no gifts" either; it is just as presumptuous as a wish list.

But if I am shopping for a shower, registry, or birthday present I do like a few hints. I may or may not buy off the list.

I love the amazon universal feature and I keep everything on it now. It includes books I want to buy or borrow at the library, fill in purchases for the new purchases, ideas for son now or in the future, or pieces I like on etsy to purchase or make. Some ideas are annotated as gifts. I would be happy to receive anything on the list but my use of it is broader than that. It is more like a marshaling of thoughts.

As an adult, no. But I do try to have a few ideas when people ask what I'd like for my b-day. This year I told my mom I'd like a new griddle. Not exactly glamorous, but something I need anyway.

For our boys, now that they're getting older (ha! at 5 and 2) they have ideas of what they'd like. Also, there are certain things I don't want them to have so I make sure others are aware of this. I'd never say "buy this" but I will say he's into ben 10 or would like a pair of superhero PJ's if asked. I would never tell anyone he'd like a video game, they can be far to costly.

As a gift buying parent I always ask because I'd rather spend my money on something I know the kid will like and play with. I always include a book in any gift I give.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with a wish list for a kids birthday. It doesn't even have to be exactly what they want... it can be an idea of the things that they like. Personally, I pride myself on buying "the perfect gift" for anyone: adults or kids. When my kids are invited to parties, I nearly always contact the parents to find out what sort of things the kids are in to. I will also ask what they already have so we avoid buying duplicates. I look at wishlists more as a way to avoid duplicates than a way to tell people what to buy. Especially when you have places like Toys R Us who have a horrible return policy (meaning you can't return, or even exchange, anything at all unless you have a gift receipt) and it's even tackier to ask for a gift receipt if the gift does happen to be a duplicate or the wrong size.

I also believe just going with the theme of the party isn't a great idea because there's a reason that the kid wanted that theme... they probably have a ton of toys with that theme already. Your gift would just get lost in the pile.

All that said, like others above, I only give out the list if someone asks for it. I don't like to be told exactly what to buy, and I wouldn't expect that anyone else would either. And sometimes, the bests gift will be something that isn't on your "list" and you never would have thought of. However, both sets of my kids grandparents WOULD rather be told exactly what the kids like/need, and I figure... if they're going to spend the money anyway and the gift is going to have to take up room in my house (because there's NO WAY you could get rid of a gift from a grandparent without them noticing), then it might as well be something that I know my children would really like or need. My children also have friends and family who don't get to see them often enough to know what they would like (or even what a child their ages would like), so they are grateful for these lists too.

As far as lists go, I keep my own online wishlist website that includes much more than just the exact gifts my kids would like. It lists their favorite colors, their sizes, the characters/shows they're in to, popular books that they already have, dvds they already have, their room colors, their playroom theme, and anything else that I think might help someone else find the perfect gift for them. I update the lists for every event (Christmas, birthdays, etc.), and other adults even use the site to make lists and buy things for one another. Maybe a non-electronic version of this would be a middle-ground solution to the issues that the people above have.

here's the thing with me - I could not make one for my child; it would seem completely presumptuous. BUT, when friends have used them I have felt good about getting something that I know the child will play with, and I haven't felt that my friends are tacky or are raising an indulgent child.

Because I always blank when asked, "What do you want for your birthday?" I keep an online wishlist. I have one for my son, too. He's only six months old, but there are plenty of childhood favorite books which have been demolished or have gone to my sister's children. It's a way for me to keep track of things, and provide an answer to people who ask ... but I do think it's tacky to provide the answer before the question is asked.

Of course, my older sister always informs me that nothing on my wishlist is cool enough for her to get me, so I'm just as stuck.

Ugh. No wish lists, ever. Wedding registrys have their purpose...you're presumably setting up a new household and people will be buying you things you'll have for DECADES (not to mention you wouldn't be too keen to get place settings in different china patterns).

But I don't approve of wish lists or baby registries. If you know someone well enough to be shelling out a few hundred bucks for a stroller, you should know them well enough to ask which stroller they would like.

Gifts are just that...gifts. You're not entitled to them. And they should be coming from the heart of the giver. We should be teaching our kids to accept all gifts gratefully, even if they weren't something wished for. Besides, some of the best gifts I and my kids have ever received have been things we never in a million years would have chosen for ourselves.

We keep wish lists because our family will ask what we want for our daughter around holiday times. It's also good for us to keep track of what we want to get her. But we would NEVER send it out to people (even family) or mention it unprompted.

No... wish lists are awful... I tell grannies when they ask, but otherwise I have to say it doesn't matter... If it is from a friend then it is from the heart. I wouldn't say to a dear friend of mine I hate your gift it doesn't fit into my philosophy... Kids like us need to learn to be gracious what a good time to learn!

I just find mom's with wish lists are super controlling... We got a friend of my sons a small lego kit for his birthday and my son told the mom in great pre-party excitement... she said "Oh we don't play with Lego, only wooden blocks would you mind exchanging it for a wooden bird feeder." Well one gutted son and three weeks of scrounging garden centers for bird feeders... we ended up spending an absolute fortune far beyond our price range... only to discover that the kid lived in a complex and they weren't allowed to put up bird feeders... When she asked if we would like to exchange it for her we politely decline. Not to mention the kids dad gave him a starter lego set for his same birthday... waaahhhhaa...

My kid learnt never to tell a gift before you give it - not really the lesson was trying to teach him!

I keep a wishlist for my kid to keep track of things I think he might like or things that I would like to get him. It's very useful when he has a birthday coming up and I can't decide what to get when I have a very limited budget.

My mom usually asks for ideas, so I send it to her when she does. Otherwise, I don't hand it out.

I belong to the 'lists are tacky' school of thought, old fashioned though it may be. I refused to register for my wedding or when my son was born.

As for getting redundant gifts, I've received some valuable gifts that others more experienced than I found useful, and was very thankful as I'd never have thought of them!

On the other hand, I have friends who regret registering for certain items (done on the advise of others) that subsequently turned out to be useless.

It's not tacky at all. I created one for my son after 10 people asked me for gift ideas. In this day and age it's helpful when people can just log onto Amazon or Target and pick out a gift in less than 5 minutes.

Please don't register for a kids party. Try hard to remember the simple things that made birthdays memorable as a kid -- I promise it wasn't gifts. If people really want to know, tell them the what your child is interested in with some specifics("She loves her rock tumbler." "He's building a 4 foot lego wall in his room." "I swear they're trying to find the messiest recipe for play dough that exists!") it helps identify what they're enjoying while tipping people off to your parenting style and what's already around the house. You can always turn the question around and say "Sarah came home gushing about playing mancala at your house."

As a side note: I am really tired of getting invited to birthday parties for kids under 5 where not only are we expected to fete the tot, but the mother as well (including gifts for abundant registries). We've grown so tired of this booming trend that we now give a gift to charity in kid's name, put in a card (without mentioning the amount) to the parents, and skip the party.

If kids are too young to be gracious about unexpected gifts, (or have had no exposure to disappointment) then they are too young for parties outside of the immediate family. I may be a terrible person, but if invitations came with registry announcements or parents appear to be overly concerned with perfect gifts and perfect parties, then we politely bow out of dealing with the pressure. (Something, alas, that's probably possible with pre-schoolers but less realistic with school-age kids.)

Whatever happened to birthday parties being rare and special? Parties were treated like gifts when we were growing up. The day was special because you got a special lunch and dinner, a cake, siblings to do your chores, and perhaps a small gift from close family.

P.S. Se7en: Right there with you.

No, I don't use a wishlist because I always say, "Your presence is your best present," or "Please no presents, only your presence." There is too much stuff and junk in this world already. If someone brings a gift, of course I accept it, but I will probably donate it to the children's shelter or an office that has a children's waiting area or some other business with a need.

A birthday wishlist is tacky, sorry! I will tell you how it's different from a wedding registry, for example. A wedding registry is most often used for setting up a couple's new home with items they would normally not afford. A kid wishlist is not setting up a kid.

We have a strict no-present policy for parties. With very young kids, presents can ruin a party.

Sure, presents still appear outside of party hours, but far fewer.

If there's something undesirable in the mix, it eventually finds its way out of the house, but there are usually some splendid choices I was unaware of or would have overlooked.

I believe that children can learn many lessons from receiving gifts that they may not have chosen themselves or gifts they don't like. Being gracious in disappointment, discovering a new interest, finding out more about the gift giver, appreciation for handmade items and the thought behind a gift...the value of these experiences outweigh and outlast most birthday gifts! It really is the thought that counts, and registries don't encourage much thinking from either the giver or receiver.

JaxByDefault;
You've been to parties where you've been expected to gift the mom as well as the child?? Surely this must be cultural, I've never heard of such a thing.

Angus: It is a sadly increasing trend here. I don't know who's more uncomfortable, the young kids or the parents' adult friends without children of their own who were guilted into attending. Terrible. Hence, my draconian policies. Perhaps it's wrong of me to triage most invitations that come with registries or gift requests, but it's a sanity saver. Nothing like the feeling of watching an adult badly mask her disappointment at you giving a few books "for the two of them to enjoy together."

If you're inviting us to party for a one year-old, let's face it, it's a party for you and not the too-young-to-know tot. Make it a family night and take a pic of kiddo with his hands in his cake. (Extra points if you dye the icing yourself and end up with dyed tot face, too.)

We do keep running wishlists on Amazon. BUT I only send the list to grandparents and my brother since they are always asking what my son or I want. It's a great help to my hubby to just pass along the list when they ask.

For the record, I would only give the wishlist to any *family* who asked. For example, my brother who has no kids of his own who just wants a compass for what kids her age are into.

I would *never* even inform friends that such a thing existed. But people like my mother just want to know what sizes she wears, what she's into these days, etc.